I (28F) have been with an admitted porn addict (30M) for 6 years. I am fed up. I am sitting here in bed on Valentine’s Day after I cleaned the entire house, went to the store, cooked a fancy dinner, shaved my entire body and put on lingerie. He was cuddling with me. Thanking me. Telling me he loves me so much. We had a wonderful day. Until we go to bed and again. I am rejected from having sex. It’s been 8 weeks. Not because he’s been clean. It’s been 8 weeks straight of him choosing TikTok soft porn over me.
I haven’t felt like I could say anything about the TikTok’s because my partner recently lost his mother and this has been extremely hard on him. But tonight I just lost it. Not in front of him, but alone in the bathroom when I looked through his phone after he fell asleep only to realize he wasted his sexual energy on TikTok girls this morning. While I was asleep in bed. Im so hurt and I really just don’t know what to do. I’ve been crying for the past hour and I don’t know how to even bring this up I’m just so upset. I feel so inadequate. Any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated.
TL;DR: my boyfriend chooses half naked TikTok girls over me.
6 comments
Firstly porn in my opinion is considered cheating. Its perverse and ridiculously intrusive to the relationship. Its valid to be understanding and giving him space bc of the passing of his mother but it seems like he’d rather turn to internet porn for instant gratification and comfort instead of their partner; it sounds selfish. The thanking and appreciation has been nice, but at some point he needs to put his partner’s needs before his own. That definitely sounds like a one on one convo that needs to be had with your partner, especially for it being 8 weeks. I would have had an issue if it were two. It might seem difficult and embarrassing to have that convo but its the only way to find a way forward
Deadbedrooms will help you more than this subreddit
Honey? You have every reason to be very upset.
You know what you have to do?
Tell him to get help to cure his addiction? Or you are gone.
Fact is? You have no happy future with him if he doesn’t stop. You don’t.
Porn addiction is like any other addiction.
They need help.
As hard as it seems? You need to do this. If he won’t stop or seek help? You have to break up and move on.
Good luck.
Talk to him about the tiktok videos interpretation of your sex life. For all we know, it could be a lack of energy. Losing your mother is hard. What is harder is also losing your girlfriend because she did not voice her needs trying to be a solder for too long.
When he was cuddling, thanked you and said he loved you, believe. More often than not, he simply does not realize what he is doing and how it affects you. As a fellow man, we can be clueless.
You’re hard-working and caring, and that’s a high value woman. You got this.
Look at him getting everything he wants from you and not having to put in any effort. You know why? Because you allow him to. You did all that on Valentine’s day knowing that he doesn’t think you are worth moving his ass for.
Stop giving to him.
When did he admit to being a porn addict?