I’m coming from the Middle East for studies. It took me a very long time to adapt because the community is so different and I don’t have a problem adapting to it, even though I find myself unlucky to be the only middle eastern student in my uni. Now the problem is with people’s characters that I can’t adapt. They aren’t really friendly. Everything I do nicely like smile or waving hi to them from far, I usually get a ‘What the fuck is he doing’ look and make me feel like a clown or something bothering people. There are no vibes. I once saw my German teacher from far and she was looking at me, so by manners of respect I have smiled and waved at her, she gave me an awkward stare that made me feel guilty for something I mean nicely. I like to be myself, fun, not serious. What I saw here is making me understand why people in Europe are suffering from depression more than poor countries. Everything has no value here, I can kiss a beautiful random girl I meet in night clubs because of my look, and that’s making me understand now why my parents don’t want me in a relationship with a French girl. I feel there is a little racism towards me, even if it’s unnoticeable. I don’t know what to do
3 comments
It takes about a year to make deep friends in French student culture. Most still go home to their families. Some are married with children already. I suggest making friends with people in your classes and going out as a group often, or joining up with a group. Don’t put too much weight on it. Continue going to clubs and out by yourself as well.
Yes, you might encounter hesitations based on your race. Just keep a good perspective and do your best! Yes, this year is almost over, and so you might just see other people from your culture and people casually. C’est comme ça.
(warning: my french is canadian cereal box french so je ne parle la belle langue très bien.)
so the thing about la identité française is that french culture is assimilationist. quebec is similar in that regard in my experience as one whose roots run through montréal.
in theory, this means one isn’t “french enough” unless one takes on all of what frenchness is at which point bienvenue notre frère qu’il ne sont plus étranger.
in practice this leads to those considered “other” rarely being considered french enough. this is particularly compounded by ethnic and religious background.
so what to do? either roll with it or resist it.
je ne suis vous. i can’t suggest the “right” thing to do, though mes experiences dans l’anglophonie suggest it might be best to hang the sense of reticence and just be who you are.
I hear different issues. For starters, I’m sorry to hear you’re not feeling at home. Yes, there is racism. It stems from people feeling robbed of their values and resources and from feeling other’s are different from them, which is unfortunately an initial reflex of the brain. It takes some time to get a sense of unwritten rules and to blend in in another culture. It’s like the random beautiful girl you described. Imagine she would be studying in the Middle-East. How would they treat her there if she would party at night-cubs and behaved like she did – so different from the women there? Interpreting your writings, it sounds like your parents might call her slutty, while in France they would wonder why it is ok for you to kiss a random girl, but not for a girl to kiss a random guy? The fact that she kisses someone doesn’t mean it had no value. In this part of her life she may just be looking for casual fun and for most of us that is ok. That doesn’t mean it can’t grow into a loving relationship or that she can’t have a loving exclusive relationship later in life. She is more than her virginity as are you. That you feel embarrassed for saying hello is sad; it’s a clash of cultures. A teacher might expect you to just nod at them passively (cause you’re not their friend). People tend to be a bit more reserved during the day – even if they might have had that glass of wine during lunch. 😉 To me it’s also sad that you understand your parents, with which you’re actually saying the girl should be embarrassed for her behaviour. You both shouldn’t be. I hope you’ll feel at home at some point and stay more open-minded than the people you feel are judging you. Hang in there.