As a woman, should I tell a guy if the sex was bad? Like is it a good thing to tell him so he can learn and improve or is it rude? Things like there was no foreplay, no aftercare, no dirty talk, he expected head but wouldn’t do it for me, wouldn’t compliment me at all or kiss my body or nothing, slapped me in the face without asking if I like that or not, didn’t make me cum or even ask if I did cum, just didn’t care at all, didn’t ask what I like or don’t like or what I want him to do, nothing. he fucked like a teenage boy with a porn addiction and not sensual or like a real man at all, very selfish sexually. So I want to say something so he can learn and evolve so he can be better for future women but my question is how can I say it without sounding rude? Also we’re coworkers so I have to keep the peace lol
44 comments
I hope you don’t plan to see him again based on this info. Ew what a terrible experience. I’m so sorry.
In your case, I would honestly just basically say what you said here. You don’t owe him gentleness after he slapped you without consenting to that
Yikes. I like being slapped. But if someone slapped me without me telling them it was okay… no no no. He definitely needs to know that’s not okay. I wouldn’t speak to him ever again 😅
You should make it clear you have no interest in seeing him again at the very least.
Generally I’d say yeah, tell him. But man that’s a tough spot given you work with him.
>As a woman, should I tell a guy if the sex was bad?
Yes…
>Also we’re coworkers so I have to keep the peace lol
…n’t.
Just don’t repeat the experience.
If he was your boyfriend, it would be a different case which would be worth telling him about your experience. But if he is your coworker, it just isn’t worth the mental stress and sounds like a person who either is inexperienced or just wanted to fuck with no strings attached. Skip this dude and go find someone who actually cares about your needs equally.
Most of this is just “selfish partner” bullshit. Way more commonly male than female, but really just juvenile bullshit.
THIS was not:
>slapped me in the face without asking if I like that or not,
Generally my advice would be to have a conversation with him and give him a chance to improve as a sex partner–if nothing else than to give him the chance to up his game. If it’s someone you have an emotional connection to you do it gently and “lovingly”. If it’s just a fuck buddy, then maybe a little more matter of factly.
But SLAPPING SOMEONE without discussing it first? Oh hell no.
Tell him you don’t want to see him again, and give him exactly the words you used here.
This is also why it’s a bad idea to have sex with coworkers.
1 gets you 5 he’s now telling other guys at work just what he did to you.
How old is he?
I wouldn’t bother.
You don’t plan on repeating the experience (do you?! hopefully not!), so there’s nothing to be gained by going “holy shit dude wtf was that?”. Maybe warn his next unsuspecting conquests tho.
This man literally slapped you across the face without consent.
Why are you giving even one second of your time worrying about his feelings? Tell him, block, move tf on.
Best possible outcome – he actually learns from it.
Worst possible outcome – he doesn’t learn anything from it but you’ve grown a backbone and decided to stand up for yourself against someone who literally assaulted you and used your body as a masturbation device.
If he threatens to make trouble for you at work, you tell him you’ll tell everyone how bad he is in bed.
Don’t keep the peace. He slapped you? What the fuck? Was it Armie Hammer?
I honestly dont know why youd go back again. Most guys figure out pretty quickly if they dont make it enjoyable for the other person they wont get repeat business lol. Dont reward that behavior.
>he fucked like a teenage boy with a porn addiction
I’d say you stop seeing him and when asked why, drop that line on him.
> Also we’re coworkers
If it’s a restaurant or McJob, it’s fine, it happens, live through the beef.
If it’s anywhere else— good luck.
I’m a virgin and I’d probably be better in bed than this dude… slapping without consent???? Bfr
He’s beyond training nor worth the effort invest your time with a real gentleman who will fulfill your wants and desires and not porn boy
i think i’m gonna stay a virgin bc the amount of ”straight” guys who don’t make an effort to give a girl a fucking orgasm is just insane
This is why you don’t shit where you eat.
Good lesson to learn early, with that said if you think you can do it without risking your job, your reputation or your safety I say go for it.
Also he doesn’t get no more of your sexual energy.
He fucking slapped you, are you trolling us right now?
I would tell him but I wouldn’t be nice. I don’t like being slapped but I would tell him shot like that needs to be talked about and he needs consent for that shit. I definitely wouldn’t sleep with him again but i would tell him most women won’t give oral if the man doesn’t. I don’t.
Yes- I do it all the time.
The way someone has sex with you can say a lot about them. In this case it says he doesn’t care about you at all. Why would you sleep with that person again?
Tell him? He doesn’t deserve the time of day, let alone constructive criticism. Do not settle for less.
All I had to read was the first line. Yes you should tell him just as you would want to know yourself.
Personally, I just don’t ever see someone who’s bad as my problem after it’s been done. I don’t say anything. No guarantee they’ll listen anyway.
I would tell him that I don’t want to see him again and that we aren’t compatible
If he asks I would tell him. I would have kicked him out of the bed after he slapped me and be done with it.
Slapped you without consent? Tell him the truth
Cut your ties with him. You can’t reform him. Tough that he is a coworker. Maybe start looking for work somewhere else
Ummm do not even let this guy near you again. You can do so much better. But you probably already know this.
I would tell him everything you’ve said IF you never had to see him on a daily basis.
If you tell him: worst case – he may turn things around and talk smack about you in the workplace on the defensive.
If you’d don’t… more women are gonna have to endure this terrible, selfish; bad sex.
Or, worst of all, you tell him and he simply does not care…
Tough one!
If he wants to see you again, I’d say maybe tell him you didn’t enjoy him sexually. At all. I think that’s fair.
Yes. You gotta tell him and not see him again if he continues to behave in the same way . Being comfortable while you are being intimate with someone is the basic thing. It’s not something you gotta ask for, it’s something that should be there. I’m really sorry you had to go through it. I can say atleast 2/10 or more among us must have gone through and thought it was okay to be treated like that but I guess we all have learnt from experiences.
You gotta tell not because he forgot to make you comfortable but lacks common sense and respect. I suggest you not be get adjusted to it this only leads to trauma and much more sadistical behaviour.
Oh lord. Don’t see this guy again. I wouldn’t waste another second of your time worrying about his feelings since he didn’t give yours any consideration.
Something like.
“Hey Bob. I just wanted to let you know I’ve been thinking about the other night and I think we should take a step back and just be friends/co-workers.”
If he asks why say “There were a couple red flags that came up the other night and I just don’t think we’re a good match.”
If he persists then tell him the honest unfiltered truth.
It can’t get better if you don’t talk about why it was bad.
Men like that won’t care even if you do
I don’t think saying anything will help. You’ve described a guy that doesn’t care about the other person and so won’t evolve or improve.
If it was bad because he was a bit unsure, didn’t do things rights or just didn’t recognise you needs, there may be a chance to get better.
Usually I would say no or at least word it better but someone slapping you without consent during sex where they put in 0 effort towards your pleasure? Yes let him have it. Tell him exactly how bad and disgusting he was
Edit: read about working together. Not sure what you can do there as he sounds like someone that will get nasty at work after hearing anything negative.
Absolutely, men need to know tell
Him and communicate. Tell him what you want tell him what gets you aroused and makes that spot hit . Ppl are always afraid of this but communication is key and one of the most important parts.
I am not victim blaming, because you are a victim. But you’re telling me that the conversation and vibe was good, but you ended up with this?
Yes tell him or he will be thinking he is the best thing to happen to a woman🤢🙄
Since you’re coworkers, I wouldn’t say anything. If he’s that selfish, he’s unlikely to take it to heart, but instead blast you and blame you and create drama at work. I’d just avoid him as much as possible and if he asks for a replay, just say no thanks.
I would say don’t bother. But because you might hurt his feelings (because fuck anyone who would treat you like that) but because it won’t improve anything. Anyone that bad has to be intentional at some level. There’s so many resources that even inexperienced people of all genders could find and he followed none of it.
Uhhhhh why tf would you see him again? -guy
I think it’s very unlikely that he will be mature enough to process this much criticism, given how immature his sexual performance was. He’ll get defensive and the workplace might become toxic. That said, I think it’s worth mentioning that slapping a partner during sex requires a discussion beforehand.
Looks like you chose a very lousy sex partner. Since he is still around, I don’t doubt that he will ask you out a second time. You then can decline the invitation, with all those arguments.
“Slapped me in the face even though I didn’t ask for that.”
Most of the other flaws you listed are inconsiderate things to do to a partner, but could be improved on if you were willing to communicate and he was willing to listen.
Slapping you was straight-up abuse no matter how lightly he slapped you and I encourage you to not see this person again.
The fact that he was willing to hit you without you asking for it is a giant red flag that he will be even more abusive in the future.
If you actually wanted to see him again I would request/ demand foreplay and all what you want.
Given this guy hit you and you don’t want sex again then you just say not to hit a woman unless preciously agreed upon.
And the sex was bad. Because you didn’t do shit for me. So we are done.