My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, we’ve been each other’s first for everything. We’ve explored a bit and I think we have a pretty healthy sex life.
But I’ve had recent dreams and fantasies about something I’m not sure he’d be into, and I worry mentioning it would make him insecure.
We’ve talked about the prospect of FFM (not just something he wants, I mentioned it first) in the future, but I really want MMF on the table too. We’re monogamous, and I don’t want to do anything without him. Just the idea of it is… hard to describe really.
I don’t know if I should bring it up, or just keep it in 🌽
8 comments
I don’t think we can help you with that decision. Good luck whatever you decide!
I’d suggest pulling up the song “Should I stay or should I go?” by The Clash in 1979. Listening to that on repeat should help.
He will quite possibly instantly want to break up with you if you put mmf on the table
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First of all, how wonderful to hear that your relationship has such good communication. That’s awesome.
Your question is a tough one. It could go either way, and it’s hard to retract a fantasy once it’s out there.
I would test the waters – when you’re talking with him about ffm, mention the idea of the fairness of also having a mmf and see how he reacts. Mention it jokingly if that helps.
I am so troubled by the idea of fantasies not being shared that my answer can’t be fully impartial.
I think very young guys might be spooked, but guys with a little more experience would be so into it… speaking for myself here, lol.
MMF can be so good for guys – you get to see your partner enjoying herself, getting overwhelmed with attention and affection. Also, it takes the pressure of one guy for being totally responsible for your enjoyment… a problem that can happen with FFM if the women aren’t that into each other.
Threesomes can be tricky on relationships even in the best scenarios, but it sounds like you’ve got the right partner to try it out. Good luck! Keep us posted!
check out r/threesomeregret
Typically thing I see:
Guy is really into the 2nd/new F in the FFM. The original F get jealous. Everyone is traumatized.
Second scenario: likewise in MMF, the F really into the 2nd male. Say both males have the same attraction potential, body type, sexual abilities, etc ….. naturally the new novel male will be more exciting … a sort of NRE thing going on. Jealousy ensues, etc.
Or things like “we laid out certain rules, etc”. Those all go in the trash when people get all worked up …. in a threesome for f#$%ks sake.
Even if the threesome experience itself goes ok….a whole bunch of mental baggage comes later down the road.
Other typical stuff: whole thing grenades right from the get go because of nerves, 2nd thoughts, etc. You muddle through it. Then the guy doesn’t follow thru with the MMF end of the bargain / arrangement …..
Then, as others have posted, just the mere fact of bringing it up, esp the MMF part, is risking your whole relationship.
Start by making it part of the dirty talk. Maybe do some simulation play with dildos for MFM. Talk about it after sex to see how it made each of you feel.
The key to any successful relationship is communication. If you can’t communicate your thoughts, ideas, desires, etc.. on any subject, they may not be the one. Sounds like you’ve talked about some things, and haven’t experienced any backlash. So I wouldn’t be afraid of mentioning things you’re curious about. If you want a soft landing, I’d just mention those types of things in a wonderment way. Like… have you ever wondered what it would be like to try….(fill in the blank). That way it’s more like a curiosity and not a demand to make it happen. Good luck!