Hello all. So I’ve (23m) been with my gf (22f) for 8 months now and our sex life has been amazing up until a week ago. We were doing it and I went soft. After that, the next couple of times we have tried to do the deed, I have been going soft inside her. It’s extremely frustrating and it’s been making me feel anxious and that something is wrong with me. I’m already an overthinker but not being able to cum due to going soft has been annoying. I feel like I’ve been ruminating on it which is making things worse. What should I do to prevent myself from being flaccid during intercourse? Every time I am rock hard until 1-2 minutes after i enter her. She is super supportive though I know she feels a little upset everytime it happens (she thinks I’m losing attraction to her even though I love her and am still attracted to her).
This has happened before for a period of time once but the next time I came so I didn’t think much about it. This time it has happened 4 times in a row which is concerning to me. I do feel as if I am healthy and I don’t watch porn. Is this due to me over worrying?
2 comments
It could be performance anxiety, the thought of going soft is in the back of your mind now and often once the thought creeps in it’s all over.
> Is this due to me over worrying?
Assuming you’re in otherwise good health, probably.
Even if you’re healthy, active, and don’t have any lifestyle issues that could factor in here, I would suggest going for a checkup with a doctor/urologist, just to make sure. Unfortunately, if the issue was actually just anxiety, they’d probably want to try putting you on a low dose of an SSRI to help you with *that*, which wouldn’t necessarily help with this issue in particular (as a common side effect is making it difficult to orgasm).
I think the general way to address the problem socially is just to mention to your girlfriend, in a non-sexual context, that you’re a little concerned about it, you’re absolutely still sexually attracted to her (it’s not ‘her fault’), and so you’re going to look into it from a medical perspective to see if anything is wrong with you, but that you don’t want to make a big deal of it if it happens in the future. If you go soft during penetration, just pull out, continue sex, go down on her, ask her to go down on you, put on a show for you, whatever. If it doesn’t happen, don’t stress, make sure she had fun.
If you’re medically cleared, maybe get a little alcohol involved to reduce any anxiety you might have, and get you out of your head. Try sex in a different position, different place, something like that. Just break the pattern, and if it happens, just don’t stress about it. Another possible outcome of the doctor visit is that they give you a scrip for a few pills of Viagra or similar, and you could use that in the short term just to relieve your anxiety issue.