I am 37 yo female. I haven’t been in a relationship or had sex since I had my daughter. Just over 6 years ago. Last time was with my ex. But we broke up while I was pregnant. My daughter was C section. No issues physically..
But just cannot get myself mentally and emotionally out there. Relationships are hard to create or I just suck at it. But when sex comes into the discussion I withdraw. Don’t feel comfortable having sex with someone causally. I had some traumatic or just negative experiences before .. I like connection and emotional intimacy and a sense of safety feeling before sleeping with someone .. otherwise I am really not managing it well mentally . But you can’t really create a relationship without becoming sexual. I am just crippled with anxieties. And was dealing with depression.. now I feel like more time passes the harder it will be for me to become intimate with someone .. and have a relationship.
Anyone with similar experience..?

26 comments

  3. You sound like an amazing woman and any guy would be lucky to have you (especially me hmu). But you just gotta put yourself out on the scene!! Online dating is a phenomenal tool for sex, I had sex with 5 women in the last few weeks from Facebook dating and tinder and hinge and match lol. I was spending quite a bit of time on it though, it can be difficult and have dry spells for a while online dating with people you just don’t want to connect with, but eventually something happens. But I would love to love you too you sound amazing

  5. Not a single sex for 25 years…. btw i am 25. I dont face any mental or emotional problem because of not having sex. Its all in the mind

  7. I think the more desperate you become, the less it comes. Be really strong about what you want. If you want 10 dates before you have sex with the person, tell them up front: I’ve had trauma in the past, I’m not interested in casual dating, and because of that I won’t have sex until x dates have happened.

    I don’t have an issue with casual sex, I just want more than that now so I have a 3 date rule and I tell them on the first date. It helps to weed out the trash bags who say they want a relationship just to fuck you and leave you.

  8. It sounds like you might need help getting to a place where you’re mentally and emotionally ready to date and have sex again. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that. You’ll be okay, but you need to heal.

  9. Since my bf died, a little over a year and 3 months ago. Was hard to even get to the point of flirting with and then tentatively dating, and finally fooling around, with one person. And the one time it happened, it was a nightmare lol and it didn’t go past foreplay. It’s not so much depression for me, as much as it a feeling that have to fully accept that loss, no more denial, that if I go there, I’ve moved on. I feel like I’m betraying him, and us. Moving on is hard, and so I keep hesitating, pushing it off. Starting a new relationship, is a lot to think about. I think I want to, that I’m ready for that. And then just as quickly, I overthink everything and shut it down. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time girly.. if you wanna talk, and overthink things as a team, dm me, I got you boo, lol

  11. About a year and a half ago. Frankly, by the end of my last relationship, sex was an obligation and a chore. I would rather fold laundry. If I never had sex again, I’d consider myself lucky (no, I’m not asexual. I’ve considered it, but I do still experience attraction).

    But I’m in the same boat. Getting into a new relationship. It’s serious and progressing. At a point now where sex is I suppose a given… I was excited initially, but the closer to comes to happening… the more I want to withdraw and hide my head in the sand

    I’m in my late 20s, haven’t had a history of traumatic experiences of any time… I just can’t get out of the mindset that there’s ultimately no real choice because the eventuality is not only assumed but a necessity for any long term intimate relationship…

  12. 2013… I’m 31m and iv been told I’m handsome from people other than my mom…. the last 2 women iv asked out immediately said “I’m gay”…. at this point I give up. I don’t care anymore.

  13. 30 minutes ago. I try to do it at least twice a week, its healthier for the mind than masturbating. Just use hookers and realize sex is a basic casual thing. Relationships get too complicated, its not about the sex at that point.

  15. About 7 years at this point. Short term FWB situation. Im just not a dateable person or something and women dont seem to want anything to do with me.

  16. Going on 4 years now. Between covid, a mostly male college, my own self esteem issues, and my introvertedness I haven’t had any luck.

    Online dating fell flat, and the last 3 people I knew I was interested in said no (nothing awful awful just weren’t interested).

    So yeah not the end of the world and I’m doing my best but that’s cold comfort when I’m about to have spent every night of college alone. But it is what it is ig

  18. It has been longer than I’d like, about 4 months but as a 29(M) I want to focus on personal growth and I also am more inclined to be interested in sex if I know the other person well. The quick one and done deal isn’t fun to me. However, I hope you find what you’re looking for, keep smiling OP!

  21. 2 days. Gf and I have been having sex more recently. We used to only do it once per week since she’s so busy with work.

  22. As long as I want to. Or not. That’s the answer. Don’t pressure yourself on this. Maybe I banged a chick last night. Maybe it was 2 years ago. So what? What is the difference? Get busy with your life. Do that and sex will come to you.

  25. Almost 3ish years. I’m not the type to jump into bed with anyone and would like a connection before sleeping with someone and dating sucks right now.

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