I’m 29 and my wife is 27, we’ve been married for about 9 months now. I never really enjoyed sex before I met her and always had a weird relationship with it. I am in recovery from amphetamines and opiates and have been sober for almost 5 years. In that process, I had to begin taking an SSRI and an antipsychotic for mental health reasons. This has not killed my libido but it has killed my ability to easily get an erection upon arousal. On top of this, it is often difficult and time consuming for me to finish.
Wife and I went out dancing last night at a local venue where they give out sex toys. Wife was lucky enough to secure a 8.5 inch dildo, which made me feel excited and nervous at the same time. It prompted a discussion that was sexual in nature, which lead to an argument about how she doesn’t feel sexy because I don’t get hard when we kiss and she takes off her clothes. I’ve explained the antidepressant thing numerous times and she can’t shake the feeling that she is not attractive to me. It turned into a discussion about everything that bothers us sexually. I’m insecure about the size of my penis (6”), I’m insecure about her body count, and I’m insecure that I can’t get her off. When we first met she practically begged me to eat her out and now she won’t let me go down there at all, saying it tickles and her whole body tensed up upon orgasming.
Long story short, she feels that sex is a chore. She doesn’t understand how I can be horny and not have a raging boner for her. She doesn’t like being on top and feels she ends up there a lot. She can very easily get off on her own but doesn’t tell me about it or how to please her. With my addictive personality, I often wonder if I’ve taken things too far and sex everyday is an addiction. I guess im just here for pointers and some advice on what to do. To me, sex with her is by far the best I’ve ever had. I can’t shake the feeling that it is lacking for her physically. Thank you for listening!
2 comments
Pro tip: Communicate with your wife
OP, it seems to me like much of this is centered around her insecurity, stemming fromnher not believing your issue and projecting it on herself instead.
The physical part of it is just the cherry on top – as you say, more could be done if she cooperated.
My amateur advice: center around the SSRI issue for once. Tell her you realize she’s not believing you and how that makes you feel, and push her to explain *why* she doesn’t believe youband what can be done about that. Take it from there.
You have hard work in front if you, but she needs to be on board. If she isn’t, that’s the first step.