I’ll start off by saying one thing I’ve noticed is how quickly the toxic people in your life vanish after you start setting boundaries. Then they blame it on you.
Basically for a good portion of my life, maybe the first half of it, I took shit. A lot. I was nice, and did not stand up for myself in the way I would like to. I had trauma from this and one day decided to finally start going “no, it’s time to stop”
Years later I’ve noticed my friendships have decreased massively. I am left with fewer friends but the ones I have are better, more friendly relationships.
However when finally having confrontations with past “abusers” if you can call them that, I have almost always been gaslighted. Like I hurt them. It’s my fault. I should have taken it. They’re innocent. Etc
But what I’ve noticed is the newer friends in my life don’t have this. Everything is fine. But the hangers on from the past, well when I fought back they didn’t say sorry; they straight up left and made it look like my fault! Like I have issues!
I am aware this is normal. But why would the older friends leave so quickly? Was I really just a punching bag for these narcissists and when they realised they couldnt use me like that anymore they left? Could they be that shallow?
12 comments
The answer to the above is Yes. They don’t believe that anything is their fault, so obviously it was you.
If you’ve already moved past these people. Keep them on the sideline.
You’ve basically summed it up, a lot of people just flat out suck. Abusers, bullies, and gaslighting narcissist.
Some people only have other people in their lives as convenience options or as punching bags. Sorry friend.
People will treat you any kind of way if you let them. That’s what happened. They liked you when you were weak because it made them feel stronger. You don’t need these kinds of people to call them friends. They are more of your acquaintances.
Well hey I like your name
People can be shallow sometimes you just have to be true to yourself and recognize the real ones when they come. Good on you for setting your boundaries and knowing your worth!
These old people were mean and super toxic. Why worry about what they WERE thinking or ARE thinking?
You did good. They are trying to get their punching bag back. Ignore them, it does not matter what they think anymore. They think you need their permission. Block them. Send their emails to spam.
i had a family member who was a narcissist and getting away from a friend circle that has a narcissist, and in my experience just get away from it.
You don’t owe these people anything, even an explanation. it’s just more energy you are giving to these people and they get a kick from it. just keep it brief if anything. For me I’m not going to play their game, I’d rather just flip the table and be done with it.
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There are people who think that friendship only goes in one direction, and that it exists to meet their needs, not yours. No big loss if they leave.
Not necessarily. They may have just served their purpose in your life and vice versa. It’s okay to grow and change, and switch friend groups as a result. You may say that they were toxic but you chose to be friends with them. Your realizations aren’t about them but about yourself. That’s what makes you sad and uncomfortable. Your environment is always a reflection of your mindset and actions. But also, when you grow, you can’t always take people with you to the next level. Some people will stay behind in their own comfort zone for good.
Oh man especially when you had a glow up. I used to be a twig but now I’m more built and jacked. Haircut overhauled. Wardrobe remodeled. Look like a totally different person now and in a good way. I noticed my old friends would either be in denial and be more douchey or would treat me totally different finally like a normal person. Then when I set boundaries I essentially cut my friends in half maybe more.
My new friends are much nicer though. First impressions really stick even thru years. Yes people are shallow. People treat me so much better now. No loss.
Good for you though massive respect. I can totally relate.