Im pretty sure im just incompatible, and thats okay.

This is a total vent.

TLDR ; I think im starting to understand that i may just be too wildly different of a person to be compatible with anyone and its bringing me to the point of giving up.

Alright so 38M. I went through a divorce about 5 years ago and ive done some dating since then. Ive met some really nice ladies dont get me wrong and i can appreciate them for who they are, but at the end of the day im just wildly different then anyone ive ever met and those differences are not compatible.

So the dating pool in my age bracket consists of a few different people ill say. Those with kids, those that dont. Those that were married young, and those who were not. I married when i was 30, so i got my partying done when i was in my 20s. All i can say is that i went really fucking hard. Lots of drug use, run ins with cops yada yada. I cleaned my act up before i got married. Pretty much just weed, maybe some drinking. I had a relationship that was seemingly great and ill love her still to this day but it was a codependency and revolved around weed for me and both weed and alcohol for her. It wasnt healthy and weve both moved on but bless her heart.

Since then i dropped weed. I was a daily user and it was robbing me of my ambition. I also stopped drinking as well. The fact that substance ruined probably the best relationship ive ever had left a sour taste in my mouth. Now im not against a drink or 2 over a romantic dinner or a joint on a lazy sunday. Im not at a point where im ready to do that with weed but i might be one day, and i like a glass of wine for dinner. So moderation right and never daily use or abuse. Im not going to judge if your a daily drinker or smoker, ive been there! ive also moved on from that as well so i dont want it in a relationship.

Now, im a decent looking man, tall, very fit and covered in tattoos. Gives kinda the bad boy quality i guess, but im actually a giant nerd. Anime, video games, scifi, warhammer 40k, DnD. you name it, i love it. Most attractive girls that im on par with are a million miles away from this stuff. Im a big metal head, Slayer is my favorite band EVER. I like my EDM too from back in the XTC days. I like to dance and feel the beats.

First and foremost im a father! love my kids they are everything to me and have taught me empathy beyond my wildest comprehensions. Kids arent for everyone tho and i totally respect that. Either you want kids of you own (im done having them) or just dont want them in your life, have and dont want more. Whatever the case may be, Have kids, dont want more. Need to respect the parenthood.

Ive become super Active since i quit smoking weed. I love to snowboard, go for hikes, swimming ect. these are awesome times for me and snowboarding is a massive passion of mine. Its amazing how many moms sit out on this one. Rather go shopping, ugh. I obviously want to share activities with my partners.

Political beliefs are leftish, and i live in a very conservatives area. I’m also a Satanist, ahhh scary right!? not really, im just pro choice and dont like organized religion and i value myself. in short. Its terrifying for the closed minded tho and even worse for those in active religious settings. not all but most.

As you can see im getting pretty narrow here. but wait there’s more.

Im also into BDSM… Monogamous BDSM. Now this isnt a deal breaker for me but its fun af, and i honestly dont know how exiting a sex life would be without it. Now the BDSM community in my area is small and tbh im just not attracted to the women ive seen or talked to in it. Also, its kinda split between Monogamous and non. I dont want to create a relationship based around sex, been there done that, but its important. Fuck i miss having a sub.

Im and only child, im not close with my parents.. they are the type that are great people but probably shouldnt have had kids. Water under the bridge. Anyways, im used to being alone and im fine with it. It just kinda sucks to come to this realization that my personality is just so diverse that meeting anyone that im truly compatible with that its probably a pipe dream.

Thanks for hearing me out. i really had to get this off my chest. Any insights would be pretty cool, so long as it doesn’t involve changing who i am. i love myself, im healthy, happy and im not changing just to land a squeeze.