TL;DR: GF left me for her colleague after 9 months relationship. She pointed out many of my faults and I’m blaming myself every day. What should I do now?
I would try to keep the details as short as possible:
My ex gf left me almost 2 months ago. Told me that she had a crush on one of her colleagues, and she felt devasted that she could not tell him sooner that she likes him. I understand that they had the time to bond since they’re close, while I’m busy with my job and sometimes I treat her badly. For example: I get angry easily and sometimes scold her, and she really hates that. One time I texted another girl (just for fun & stuff, I did not have any feelings toward that girl and I was never really serious with her, it’s just my bad habit), and she read that text and cried for the whole night. On the breakup day, she told me that from that day her thinking and feeling had changed a lot. She could not forgive me because I lied to her and scolded her and so on. And then before the breakup, this new guy kept texting her and buying the foods that she like when they are on duty, she even showed me some of his texts and said that: “If you do not treat me right, someone else will”.
At that time I was so complacent so I did not notice anything of that. I even said to her that maybe he is a playboy and he is only joking with her. Jokes on me, one week later, I felt like her affection changed a lot but I kept ignoring it, and on the last day of the week, while I was on a business trip, she texted me and said that she wants to stop and she really likes that guy. Everything happened so fast, that guy had met her for only a month, and he had only texted her about his feelings for only 2 weeks.
Back to the breakup day: She was really cold to me, saying that our relationship became “not ok” a while ago. Then she pointed out all of my bad habits and behaviors, I think that most of her words and reasons are true (I was too confident about my background, my job, etc…and I did not give her enough care). She said to me that that guy is more of a “Husband material” than me and she really likes him, he is more compatible, etc…
I have to admit to you guys that I was not my best self while I was with her. Our love language is also quite different: She wants so much love, care, and attention and she wants me to be gentle and sweet. While I’m a rough man and I really want to focus on my job, etc…But it still hurts man. So what should I do now? I’m trying to forget her and improve myself, etc…But I’m still blaming myself every day and that’s not good for my health at all…
3 comments
She is coming up with reasons to leave you as she was already into another guy.
Sit down preferably with a therapist and do some introspection. Do you have an anger problem?
Yeah the texting another girl is a big no no. Real relationship ender there. Next relationship NEVER DO THAT.
Dude its been only 9 months learn and move on.
You were texting another girl, getting angry and scolding her and not giving her love and attention instead focusing on your job. No wonder she left you. You should blame yourself because it’s your fault.
Get anger management classes, and when you find a new partner don’t text other girls and give your partner some love and affection.
What’s done is done, there’s only tomorrow. Sounds like you need take a bit of a harder look into what you actually want. Do you actually want a committed relationship? If your “bad habit” is texting and testing and looking, along with being overly critical and emotionally distant, it sounds like something more casual would work better for you at this moment.