Hey everyone!
So my girlfriend and I haven’t gone dancing (clubs/bars) in the nearly 2 years we’ve been dating (both in our 20’s in LA). The other week we went to WeHo for her friends birthday (gay bars in particular).
All was fun, but while my girlfriend danced with her girl friends and gay guy friends, I tried to steal a moment to dance with her and was kinda rejected. She told me that it’s not me but just men she’s not comfortable grinding with and such. That’s fine and all but me watching her and everyone else dance while I sipped on my drink was not a fun time.
How do I go about this? It makes me a little sad knowing I have no one to dance with when I go out, especially since we are highly attracted to one another and pretty in love. Overall I’m saying that I don’t want to go out with her if I just have to watch everyone else dance, but idk how to put it lightly…
TLDR: GF dances with gay guy friends and girl friends but isn’t comfortable dancing with me. How do I handle this?
4 comments
You said she did dance with other men though. So, I would ask her why she is comfortable dancing with those men and not you. But if she isn’t comfortable dancing with you, then it is okay to say that you don’t want to go out to watch her dance with other people while you dance with no one.
I’m assuming that she means she’s only uncomfortable dancing with straight men/straight cis men since she has no problem dancing with her gay guy friends. So it doesn’t have anything to do with you being a man, really. There is clearly a deeper issue here. Perhaps she faced unpleasant experiences in the past that has deterred her from wanting to dance with any straight males. But you should approach it with kindness and curiosity and ask her why it makes her uncomfortable. You have every right to be upset and concerned that she doesn’t want to dance with you in public, it is saddening.
sorry to be the messenger, but i’m afraid this comes under the heading of, just talk to her about it. tell her how much it affected you and ask her to elaborate on her attitude toward dancing with you.
Yeah, talk to her. As a cis woman who has gone out with friends to gay bars in weho many times, I too would be uncomfortable if I were in a straight relationship and dancing with/entertaining my partner. Gay bars are not really a space for that. I would say perhaps she just wants to be with her friends in that moment and you should suggest going out with her to a non-gay bar some other time for dancing. I’m sure she would appreciate you initiating in a different circumstance, but the only way to find out is to ask her about it.