Men of Reddit, when was the moment your realised you deserved better?

25 comments

1. I haven’t yet 🙁

2. After I start realizing I’m worth so much more than to be treated like I’m not. My past relationships I was always the guy who put his girl needs above his own and got fucked over for it. There is no exact date or timeline, but it is important to recognize when it is time to move on and find someone better.

3. I was 16 or 17 (my memory of this time is jumbled), sitting in a section 8 apartment I was sharing with my Mom, eating a spoonful of egg noodle soup with seasoned salt for the fifth night in a row and I just thought “there has got to be more to life than this”.

   I was pleased to learn there was more to life than that.

4. When I realized no matter how I worded my needs/boundaries she would have a meltdown. I was tired of being considerate to someone who wasnt considerate in return.

5. When I earned it.

6. When I was cheated on, got the divorce, kicked her out of the country, and had to start online dating.

   I realized that people wanted to spend time with me and people valued what I liked. My self confidence skyrocketed when I went on dates. I was complimented.

   I was physically and emotionally abused in my previous marriage. Manipulated to feeling that I didn’t deserve more. Not only was I always monitored because she thought I was always cheating (checking my computer and phone), I was always accused of being too dirty and not doing enough for the household. I was the breadwinner and I did all the chores, while she slept all day and watched Instagram.

   I realized all this in hindsight.

7. When woman after woman including her mom and sister came up and apologized to me for my wife’s drunken rant at her nieces wedding. She went to rehab and counseling but the damage was done.

8. My ex-wife kept playing divorce chicken and I kept swerving. Until I didn’t. Then she said she never wanted to get divorced.

9. Anytime I got in my truck and sent her a snapchat, it NEVER failed that she would ask, “where are you going? To see your other gf?” Literally every time.

   I had given her zero reason to believe I would ever cheat on her, but she made the “joke” often enough she was starting to believe it

10. Woke up one day and thought I need to stop being a cook, drinking a 12 pack of beer a night, and get myself to school. I now have my masters degree and a steady job with good income

11. When I put the knife to my throat

12. Hindsight is 20/20

13. When I took my first bite at a Subway

14. I was talking to a woman and it wasn’t fun. There was never any real conversations and I felt like I was always upset her even though, as stated, we weren’t actually saying anything. I was telling one of my friends about it and she was like “if you’re not happy, why not keep looking?”

    It seems pretty obvious, but I think Reddit really messed me up. There’s this idea of any woman is better than no woman that’s pretty prevalent in online spaces like here. I thought “at least she’s responding.” Just responding isn’t a good enough reason to continue to be miserable.

15. Much like in an earlier post today, when she accused me of rape after consensual sex. That largely killed my desire for her but honestly, it was dying before that. She had been, over the previous term, turning effectively asexual and wouldn’t discuss that at all. (Which explains the “rape” comment, in hindsight.)

    There’s a lot of other issues and most can be referenced in my post history.

16. When her actions didn’t match her words. At first I met my love blind me but I finally ended it and while I miss her terribly, I know beyond doubt that it was the right thing to do. I know what I deserve and how I deserve to be and need to be loved.

17. The night my 13 years relationship ended. It was at a small music venue. Just a few months prior my now ex and I went to a major concert, my favorite band, she got shithouse hammered, as she had become wont to do, especially at shows for “my” bands and basically ruined the night.

    This was more of the same. I didn’t realize it until later what it was, but I had enough. When I got home (I alone walked out and walked a few miles home) I said it was over. I didn’t know what it was at the time why exactly but I was unhappy and had enough.

    In hindsight, it was the disrespect. She didn’t respect me at all. Months after the breakup I realized how much she walked all over me, and how I had always felt I was easy going. And I am on most things, but easy going and being a doormat can be two easily confused things in a relationship. In fairness, I can be a curmudgeonly bitch at times, but when it came to relationship compromise and respect, I universally was made insignificant on those fronts.

    “Meh, I don’t care” is not the same as “it isn’t worth the fight.” At least I know that now.

18. It was at the very end of a couple of relationships: all the complaints you got were all things she used to celebrate in what she loved about you after complaining that her ex was awful about about said things and then finally realizing she’s projecting onto you any what’s really wrong with her.

    This behavior can also be from men to women, so it’s definitely a 2-way street. Either way, if you’re already wondering if you deserve better, the answer for you needs to be “Now!”.

19. When I realized that my ex wasn’t really considerate of my or others time and feelings.

    The last 4 months of our relationship, I’ve told her how I was feeling and she pretty much brushed it off which is crazy since I spent 4 years dealing with her depression, always making sure she’s ok and happy and slowly fucking myself over in the process…the pandemic didn’t help either.

20. Hmmmm when I realized I do everything spoil the heck out of her and she still wasn’t happy. .I knew it wasn’t me it was her so she had to go and I sent her packing

21. When I addressed a tense situation with her mom exactly the way she had always wanted me to and she still got pissed at me and took her mom’s side.

22. Graduating high school was a god damn accomplishment for me. Nobody is taking that away from me. Don’t care how “smart” I am, I was supposed to be a druggie deadbeat.

    I didn’t look at it as such a massive accomplishment until I saw my parents’ reaction. Neither of them gave a shit that I did it, neither of them congratulated me. They were both upset I wasn’t better.

    That was the moment.

    If COVID did anything good, it meant I didn’t need to deal with this whole song and dance again when I graduated college.

23. Was dating a coworker, and it wasn’t a great relationship for numerous reasons. When things were going wrong, I knew people were feeling bad for me, and that’s when I realised I was letting her get away with stuff I shouldn’t have

24. When i realized that my parents are not on the fortune 500 list.

25. When she screamed in my face I don’t respect you anymore and started throwing things around the house and then making threats to me. I left and eventually she called the police and lied saying I did horrible things. Was pretty damn easy to walk away literally in an instant and I have no desire to go back. Pretty positive I would be dead severely injured or in jail from her lies if I was still dating her. Never ever ignore any sort of red flag gentleman.