Experiences in finding someone to have a threesome with?

5 comments

1. Veteran of sharing my wife in many threesomes here.

   You have basically three choices.

   1) bring in a friend. In many ways, we’ve found this to be the worst option. You run risks of people taking the idea the wrong way, of people not being as open minded as you thought, of dealing with awkward convos about doing it. And afterwards, people tend to be weird about it for months. I’m not saying that no one has ever made this work, but I think it’s the worst channel to pursue.

   2) pick someone up at a bar. If you’re looking for a guy to be your third, this is pretty easy to do. If you’re looking for a woman, it’s not impossible by any means, but it’s much tougher. The thing is, it’s a total crapshoot if the person is really compatible with you, and you really have no clue about their STD status. While I find this to be a better option than pursuing friends – and we have taken this option several times – it’s far from ideal.

   3) use online sites/communities/apps. To me, this is hands down the best option. You can chat with someone anonymously, get a feeling for their compatibility with you, get std proof out of the way. It’s still far from perfect – online forums are FULL of fakes and bullshitters, most just want to collect pictures to jerk off to and will never actually meet. And they can sound fantastic and you still have a bad meet – I recall once meeting a guy that had pics, claimed experience with couples, and he still couldn’t keep it up except during oral, and I had to basically be invisible or he couldn’t manager anything. But almost all of our best meets have come from screening folks online.

2. Why don’t people utilise sex workers lol. If the the relationships new, hire a professional…

3. If you’re single: hit up an open-minded friend and see if they would be down to go unicorn hunting. A friend of mine and I would go to bars and clubs and ask if women were interested in a threesome. It was much easier to find foursome doing this.

   If you’re in a relationship, you must have a partner who wants the same exact thing in a threesome. My wife loves women and has a tinder. She’s open about being married, and most women that match with her are typically understanding of our ENM dynamic.

   Best bet, just be open about it. You’ll probably get denied by the majority of people you talk to about it, but eventually you’ll find something.

4. ADVICE ON HOW I CHOSE MY COUPLE.

   From what I understand, dating apps require a lot of filtering for couples looking but I (f40 at time) really wanted to try a mff. I had been invited multiple times with couples I knew but I was definitely not comfortable with that. A situation like that destroyed my bff’s marriage. I created a profile online trying to be extremely clear that I was looking for an established, open-minded and curious couple looking for someone to join and play but then never see each other again.

   I was nervous and honest about not having any experience and that I didn’t care if they did or not. So on to the advice…

   Don’t start with lurid, graphic details of what you want to do to me. Don’t make the first pics available be of genitalia and/or sex acts. The people I chose to chat with had presentable couple photos. On a hike together or at a beach, etc.

   The first couple I agreed to meet were local. There wasn’t enough communication online. We met at a local pub that apparently had a reputation for these type of initial meetings. This was my first mistake. I felt really uncomfortable about being recognized. Maybe it was because of my discomfort but I couldn’t relax around them. We had very little in common. I didn’t feel as if she was as into it as he was and every time she went to the bar or the washroom, he would get creepily touchy feely and try to kiss me. It gave me the feeling she was only trying to make him happy. The whole experience just turned me off.

   The next couple…
   I chose the next couple because they looked like nice and happy people in their pics AND they lived in a different city. Still close enough to be acceptable but far enough to keep anonymity. Their profile emphasized how interested the wife was to try a threesome and that she was bi-curious as well. I think this is important. I really didn’t want to be in a situation where we were just two women working to get a guy off. I already knew I could be passionate with a man. I wanted to feel that same passion with a woman. At the same time. It was important to me that she felt the same way.

   We had time to communicate. It took a bit of time to organize because we all have adult lives. They wanted to take a weekend off, get a nice hotel near me so I could meet them on neutral but safe territory. He sent me literature about all of the dynamics of being in a threesome. We communicated our fantasies. Mine, hers, his. We shared gradually naughtier pictures. We discussed boundaries and hard no’s. We agreed on a safe word and made it clear any of us could end it at any time for any reason if things felt wrong.

   It took us a little over a month to make it all come together and find a night that worked for all us. After all that time and daily communication, needless to say the excitement was AMPED. They made me feel safe, comfortable and listened to. It felt like we knew each other even though we had never met. What I expected to be a nice little dirty romp for an hour two ended up being 12+ hours of pure lusty bliss. I couldn’t of dreamed of a better experience. I found the perfect couple.

   So, things to consider when looking for your third. WE are in a much more vulnerable position. The more you can do to balance out the power dynamic of 2 to 1, the less likely said third is to bail on you or not take you seriously. Make sure it’s not about what the third can bring to your couple BUT what the three of you bring to each other. Even for just a night.

5. Depending where you are located in the world look for Enhanced Lifestyle Clubs.Most are members only and only accept couples or LGBTQAI+ singles.