I am genuinely curious. What goes through your mind before, during and after? Also, how often do women ever approach you?
Edit: I do understand I have a particular “privilege” of having guys approach me instead of being forced to approach them. I can see from the range of responses so far that it can suck for men in this department. And I did mean approach as in “for her number, to ask on a date, etc.”
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Women never approach, I’ll just get that out of the way lol. As for approaching women, not often, although it depends on what the motive is for it. If it’s just pleasant chatting, then all the time when I’m working my routes, and it’s just a nice conversation. As for looking for dating or hookup, usually only at parties if I end up in a good conversation with her and we click I’ll ask for a number. I’m not really looking to date though, so I don’t often approach
Lol, never.
I’ve randomly approached a few in the gym if I’ve noticed they’ve made progress and I wanna give them props. Never approached from a wanting to pick up perspective.
If by “approach” you mean talk to, then all the time. men, women. nothing goes through my mind really, i just like getting to know people. i don’t talk to women to try and pick them up or get a date or whatever, if the person is cool and we have good conversation and get along and like eachother, maybe we’ll exchange phone numbers and it’ll come up later, maybe i’ll see them again and we won’t be strangers, but that’s never my reason for talking to someone initially.
and i get approached by strangers, men and women all the time as well, but pretty much everything i do includes ‘hanging out’ and getting to know people. going to shows, work part-time at a bar, and go to parties all the time with a pretty big group of friends ,always someone new around to get to know
A lot. Not randomly like someone I’ve never talked to before. But say it’s a friend of a friend I just met.
Always found it strange how many guys just don’t have the programming to approach. Like if you don’t try then you can’t fail (even though not trying is actually the biggest failure).
Off the top of my head about 1 in 5 take up the offer to make plans.
Last time a woman approached me… I think in college one time or something. It’s extremely rare.
I never randomly approach women. I’m one ugly motherfucker and she’s just trying to do her own thing, I really don’t think bugging her would do me any good.
Women never approach me because of previously mentioned ugliness and there not really being anything about me that would attract their attention.
As in to get her number or ask her out? Never did that.
Stuff like making chit chat, offering help or asking for a jump, whatever I do. That generally goes fine. Either she doesn’t engage and I move on with life or we talk for a bit. Other than accidentally getting a number and having to walk it back a couple times nothing particularly interesting comes of it.
As for women approaching me? If they need something or are drunk enough. Not much outside of that.
Random women? Never. I’m not trying to date and looks alone don’t really make me want to talk to someone.
Women with some kind of mutual interest? Often. It’s always fun to talk about cool things with someone.
Never done it…
>Also, how often do women ever approach you?
That’s also a ‘never’…
Now that I’m married…never.
When I was single…It would happen in spurts, but a few times a month – Generally went fine. Sometimes I got phone numbers, sometimes I didn’t. I’d say maybe 70/30.
I got approached maybe 5-6 times a year…but that’s just a guess on my life 15 years ago and I honestly never paid attention.
Never and it goes very well for me
Never
Literally never. I’m not about to put myself in that situation considering the whackadoodle shit that you can be accused of just for tiktok fame.
If i’m interested, I do a background (rumor) check first.
Never. I can get laid consistently enough through online apps that there’s no need to be labeled a creep and blasted all over Tik tok for looking at the wrong woman in public.
Social events and parties when those were more of a thing in my life. There’s usually some common things to talk about and friend connections.
I grew up with early online stuff and did meet women on chat boards and whatnot. Honestly, my online pickup game has always been WAY better than my IRL one.
Never done it before my entire life.
Started at 18, stopped at 21 about a decade ago. Maybe a few times a month at a time.
No horror stories, various techniques used, no successes.
I’ve done it a handful of times. I was nervous but in my mind i thought, “i’m a 5’6 dumbass. Worst case scenario, she just realizes i’m a 5’6 dumbass and nothing changes”.
Usually worked out for me since I’m the kind the funny kind of dumbass.
And more women have approached me than ever should have. I’m not particularly tall or good looking or muscular, but I used to drum for gigs at the bars and was extremely “Fratty” in my 20’s
No, I never do a cold approach. I find it better to be friends / get to know them first to see if we have a shared interest and if they are my type. I am shy and always have been most likely because I am possibly autistic (eval is almost done.) I do not consider myself attractive in the way society says what is attractive (I look like a viking basically, flat affect.) Because of other life experiences I am careful about how I interact with people.
As for my value before I catch flack:
I make $170k a year, house, RS5, F250, boat, in ground pool, PhD in STEM field, can road bike 36 miles in 2 hours, black belt testing soon, have one child, can build a house from scratch, low and high voltage electronics repair, work on my own vehicles, run 6 miles in an hour, kayak, swim, fish, etc. I haven’t had cable tv in 10 years and am no on fakebook because of divorce, I can cook, I use a woodstove to keep my house warm, can run a MS880 with 43 inch bar, split wood with a maul, archery, gunsmith, program. I am a learning machine. I don’t sit around an do nothing all day. I have my own business as well. I get more calls from head hunters than dates.
In my single days, I rarely did it randomly because the success rate was practically zero. She either wasn’t interested or she wasn’t as attractive as I first thought. “Randomly” just wasn’t a good way for me to do it. I needed to know more about her first and figure out if there was any chemistry.
And no, I never got approached in an overt way. Maybe it’s more common now, but when I was single (15+ years ago) that was so rare that it honestly never occurred to me that I would meet a woman that way. I just assumed I would have to make the first move.
Once every ten years. Never worked.
I only approach when I have already recieved some sort of encouragement (repeated eye contact/smiles, overt touching etc) so i’m pretty sure of the outcome already.
Otherwise I either wait for them to approach me or completely blank them.
Never. There’s nothing good about approaching a woman especially if you’re unattractive. She’ll think you’re a creep and a harasser.
30 something YO millennial straight male here. In my single days, it would be whenever I had the courage and the situation seemed like it could go potentially well. Approaches have usually gone well for me. It does take some knowing how and when to execute an approach, but it hasn’t been hard to do. To add clarity, an approach for me is striking up a normal conversation and seeing what happens from there. Seeing if something can take place further depends on what the conversation looked like. If I were single today, I’d probably still do the same. I would encourage anyone similar to myself to do the same.
But a few things to call out. The internet, media, and law has really pushed a tone for men not to engage in this manner, and makes it easy for men to be seen as offenders just for attempting to talk to a woman. Be careful with your approaches. IMO, people today are overly sensitive about everything and it’s easy to find yourself in trouble.
I’ve always been a confident guy and have always approached women respectfully. Fortunately, I’ve never been perceived in a very negative way. Things usually turned out well for me.
“oh, so you’re one of those guys who randomly approaches women? i’m sure that works out really well for you. *eyeroll*
Never. That is literally rape.
Never
… fine, I guess? Nothing bad has happened because I didn’t approach someone
Once I was hosting a party, and this woman I didn’t know was just standing alone in the living room, looking uncomfortable.
Being a good host, I introduced myself, asked how she was doing, and can I get her a drink or something?
She goes, “if you’re trying to pick me up, it’s not going to work.”
I was totally insulted. I wasn’t trying to pick her up! My girlfriend was right in the other room, and this stranger wasn’t even my type.
Explaining that it was my house and I was just trying to be nice so she might have a better time was awkward.
Not often. Whenever I do, they are normally not single. And I’m a dude, so hell no they don’t approach me😂
I approach women constantly in public for the pleasant conversation…. Fully intending to walk away in 5 minutes. I’m not interested in them. I hate the whole job interview dynamic that type of interaction feels like. It typically goes quite well and I usually get my pleasant conversation and wish them goodnight.
For women I date…. I pick kind and good-hearted women from my environment that I’ve probably known for more than today. I have to see a woman’s daily personality before I even think about assessing if she would be pleasant to spend my time with. Nothing about seeing a made-up woman in public gives me anything to go on in regards to what my experience will be like.
Never and never lol I find myself navigating a wide variety of social norms now and give up realizing she probably doesn’t even want me saying hello because she is so annoyed by all the attention she gets already. I’ve never done it but it was easier to say what’s up to women back in the day at school and parties now I’m older theirs no chance ha
When single I approached occasionally in a bar or party after a few drinks. It would normally be fluffy conversation to figure them out and if they seemed available suggest more. Success rate was low, maybe 1/10.
Online success rate is probably even lower but it’s a lot easier to contact multiple people at once so it evens out.
Women approaching me… Happened only a few times, but I was bartending so it was a privileged situation. Outside of that maybe a couple of times in my life, normally from within an extended friend circle.
Never and I’ve been single 9 years. Because it’s hard to get over crippling anxiety when it comes to anything beyond just talking. I can talk to women just fine, but trying to flirt? Trying to do literally anything beyond conversation is beyond me.
Not in a very very very long time divorce is not on my to do list. Niether are shit tests, manipulation, gaslighting, cheating, parental alienation, alimony or child support. Why would I even approach women.
>What goes through your mind before, during and after?
If I do, it starts with anxiety and ends in disappointment.
>Also, how often do women ever approach you?
Only happened once in my life.
I basically never approach. I’ve been called names by women so I get the vibe that I’m not wanted so I don’t bother. Which I guess is ok since I basically have no libido or desire for a woman even though I wish I did.
When I get rejected it’s usually extremely harsh, if they were nice rejections then I’d probably keep trying but now no. Women are indifferent to me so I’m indifferent to them.
Randomly? Never.
Only in specific contexts and never at random.
What goes through my mind? ‘She looks nice, I’d like to fuck her’.
The most concise way I can put my experience is that…in all cases I’ve approached the best case situation is one where I cannot trust the other to be social competent and responsible regarding the dating process, while they expect me to be and shoulder all the burden. In worst case situations they will attempt to poison the well for any future efforts I make with anyone else.
For the above reasons I’ve approached less and less as I grow older. Thankfully women also like older men so women have approached me more and more over time.
I’m in a relationship now, but before, insanely rarely. I’ve been single most of my life and I’d occasionally fancy someone but I couldn’t ever get them to notice me. I never attracted anyone I wanted to date. On the rare occasion I did approach someone, the conversation usually was good, casual, and like old friends having a beer together, but every. Single. Time. “Oh my girlfriend/boyfriend…” And I would immediately lose all interest in the conversation. This is what it was like for 8 years straight. My relationship now kind of fell in my lap, my co-worker and I just have good chemistry and we just kinda worked out. But I tell everyone who’s looking, not everyone gets lucky. Not everyone gets their love life early or has it just happen like a fairytale. I also hate telling people “Just give it time.” That’s the most insulting way of telling them that no one wants them.
I tried it a few times but most of the time they give me this firm look. It’s not mean but it’s a firm message of “no, you will not have any success here cut your losses and move on quickly”. To be fair, I’m not really a funny person and cold approaches are mostly a friendly hi and if that doesn’t work oh well.