Shipment was delayed on my husband’s valentine gift.
It got here while we were out of town over the weekend.
He saw the order confirmation so he knows what it is and knew about a week before Valentine’s Day what he was getting.
I asked him 2x if we had plans before Valentine’s Day and asked for effort.
Day of rolls around and he tells me he has planned nothing but going to lunch at the closest restaurant to our house and gotten me nothing and he’s done with Valentine’s Day and the holiday is dumb as fuck and to lose all Valentine’s Day expectations in the future. (After 14 years)
I asked him why he didn’t let me down gently when I asked him for effort and he said he’d rather fight about it on Valentine’s Day then when I asked the earlier times.
Conversations ensue about how he thinks I expect the world on Valentine’s Day and I’m pissed cause I didn’t wake up to $50 flowers and chocolates and stuffed animals and expecting anything discounts the efforts he makes every day.
I’ve told him 100x I don’t want Valentine’s Day flowers or themed shit that’s over priced and that I just wanted effort and it’s one of 3 holidays my family actually celebrates and it’s important to me.
Last year I planned the whole day and he was pissed to be there.
Try to get on the same page but the conversation just goes terrible.
So I’m staring at the box and wondering if I should still give him the gift he knows he’s getting?
Or do I return it and be done with the one sided bullshit? Christmas wasn’t much better. 🤦🏼♀️
P.S. I really want to give it to him cause he will really like it and I love him and want him to feel special.
But I feel bitter and like a push over if I do?
Or is it just okay that he hates Valentine’s Day all the sudden and should I just continue making him feel special/give him the gift because it’s an important day/gesture to me? And not expect anything in return.
18 comments
What else is going on in the relationship?
Can you keep the gift and send back the husband?
Doesn’t sound like this is a V day problem, this is a him problem. He doesn’t need to be a grump about it and he needs to understand that it’s not the gift part that matters, but the thought and love behind it.
Does he do things for you on other days? Bring you random flowers or spur of the moment dates? Cook a nice dinner with candles?
You have a husband who blatantly disregards your feelings – has he always been this abrasive, selfish, and thoughtless? Do you ever have fun quality time together or is he just this way specifically for Valentine’s?
I’d send it back, and I’d be treatkng my self every Valentine’s Day. I can’t stand Miley Cyrus but her song Flowers comes to mind.
Is he romantic besides Valentine’s Day? Do you go on dates? Does he get you gifts on other occasions?
If this really is just a valentines thing I would let it go. As a guy, it can very much feel like a test that was designed to make us fail. Also, tbh, going out for lunch does sound like effort. Just not the effort you were wanting. Hence, the designed to fail comment.
Of course, if he never does anything for you then you got a husband problem.
I’d keep it for myself and use it in front of him. What disgusting behavior
I think Valentines Day is the stupidest holiday, but I still make sure my wife feels appreciated on it.
Keep it and give it to him on his birthday. From now on plan something for yourself on those days you want to celebrate but you know he doesn’t care about.
I agree with the idea to save the gift for his birthday or Christmas. He doesn’t deserve it for V Day, he blew that completely.
I’d give it to him out of spite, but that’s just me
It’s gonna be hard but send it back.
Does he do other things to show you you are special. I know that I don’t like doing things when they are expected of me. But I definitely do it when they are not and I do it often.
The things that matter to you matter too.
Send it back, it’s not being petty it’s actually doing what he asked for… but my petty side would DEFINITELY let him know…
Was he like this before you got married?
I personally would return the whole husband.
But, that’s just me. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It sounds terrible.
I’d keep the gift and save it til he deserves it. That being said. He needs to realize a minimal effort on Valentine’s Day can make it all worth it. I have a friend who thinks that the anniversary of the day she met her husband is more important than their wedding Anniversary. Her husband thinks the opposite. So this year she was in a funk because he didn’t get her anything on the anniversary of their first meeting.
He realized this and apologized. It paid off. On their actual Wedding anniversary. She published pictures of their dinner at a nice restaurant and everything else. She was so happy.
Your husband has picked a dumb hill to die on.
It’s quite clear that something done on that day as an acknowledgment of your relationship would be worthwhile.
Tell him I said that. You ain’t asking for the world. He’s picked a dumb hill to die on.
It blows my mind people make such a huge deal out of valentines day, a made up holiday retailers made up to get more money out of people, btw why do gifts you know you are getting mean so much to people, it’s forced gift giving, I would rather get a gift on a random day than valentine’s day
Return it!!! You’ll feel better and maybe he will get it.