I’ve never posted to reddit before so please let me know if I need to add/remove something.
I don’t know what to do about my brother – I love him and want to have a better relationship with him but I don’t know how. We both live with our parents still, I have many issues with my mental health and he has some as well, which I believe affects him and his social skills but he doesn’t believe he has any and my parents have never taken him to a doctor/psych since the first time, they often use it to excuse and then ignore his actions.
He does a lot of things that at best annoy and at worst seriously upset me, but when I tell him as such he either pretends it didn’t happen, makes an excuse or just ignores it. I don’t think he always realises I’m being serious.
He’ll talk about disgusting things whenever he wants including when we’re eating (bodily fluids, our cats being “dirty” in the rear) which really messes me up because I have eating issues and intrusive thoughts.
He’ll repeatedly make the same jokes over and over even when I tell him they aren’t funny anymore. He comes to me to talk about his hobbies etc but I can barely go to him to talk about mine, he doesn’t even try to act interested and sometimes just ignores me.
I have hearing problems and he’ll refuse to repeat himself when I don’t hear him properly.
He’ll insult me and upset me, including “joking” about my unemployment when I had to leave a very stressful job because it was dangerous to my mental and physical health; I’m expected to laugh this off; but if I make any joke at his expense he’ll storm off or threaten me.
He’s been violent in the past towards me and my younger sister, he’s strangled and hit me a few times, and not just siblings roughhousing/playfighting.
More stuff too, but you get the idea.
I’ve told him before about this stuff, how I don’t find it funny or appropriate and how I need him to stop when I tell him he’s upsetting me but nothing changes.
I’ve told my parents about this stuff as well, and I’ve been told to “just deal with it.”
The only person who he listens to who also takes me seriously is my older sister, but she doesn’t live with us.
I don’t think he’s a bad guy, he’s understood me in the past when I’ve gotten /really/ upset about something, but I don’t want to be pushed to a panic attack and treated like I’m crazy by my parents every time I want him to stop something.
I want us both to be happy, but I don’t want to have to move out of home and have him the main reason behind it. Any suggestions on how I can explain things to him? Should I explain things to him?
Thanks for any help.
TL;DR: My older brother upsets me a lot and won’t stop. My parents won’t help me. I don’t know how to handle this situation.
1 comment
Do you think he has autism in any way? Until he matures or grows up mentally, he will always see you as his little sister and not as an adult. Both of you need your independence away from each other. He needs to move out/move away. And your older sister takes you seriously, and your brother listens to her? See the correlation? She’s the older sister. She doesn’t live with the two of you. Move away from each other. And if he starts getting physical to the point that it threatens you or your health, take matters seriously with law enforcement. Good luck.