Basically I’ve been dating her for 5 years, we met when I was 17, split a few weeks ago and I’m now realising I’ve got no mates. Think I just missed it completely because we woke up and went to sleep saying hello to each other, so much time talking to each other that it didn’t matter.
Cus I met her so young, I’ve got fuckin no idea how to make friends. I did it from college and highschool and such before (UK so that’s 12-18 for anyone where college means university) and now I’ve got a few mates but nothing near what I need. My best mate moved to Scotland a few years back and we chat now and then, my mate John’s at Uni far away, I don’t talk enough with anyone else, just realised I had very few people I’m close to.
How do adults make friends? I did some googling but I’m the youngest person at my company by 15 years so that ain’t an option, really just not got a clue and feeling unbelievably alone.
5 comments
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As you realized, you made the classic mistake of putting eggs into one basket and making one other person the center of your own life. It’s up to you to not repeat that mistake again going forward. You need to be the center of your own life chasing excellence, not people. Read all the tips listed here, especially the ones on genuinely connecting with people in person, adding value to people’s lives, and being genuinely busy in life chasing excellence, not people. In fact, read this entire article: https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/trlexh/how_to_avoid_being_needy_or_stop_being_needy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Bro ive started university and strugked to make friends in 1st year.
There few people on my course that I get along with but am I best friends with …. not really.
Doubt we will stay in contact after Uni. And everyone says Uni is where you make friends for life. Im so scared.
Make friends around some sort of commonality that you can maintain. Work is the most obvious place since you’re there quite a lot. Otherwise, try to find some activity or interest that you want to do regularly and other people who do too. Having an excuse to hang out whether it’s going to a bar or a book club is huge. It takes extra effort to maintain relationships without a communal ground like school, work, or some activity
Making repeated contact at a similar location over an extended period of time is usually what leads to friendships. The reason places like schools, clubs, fraternities, gangs and the military lead to making such strong bonds is because they satisfiy the general conditions for nuturing friendships.
The process of making friends is difficult for many people because it is not an exact science. You could do everything right and still not end up being friends with someone.
Whatever your interests are, there are likely groups meeting up to participate in them. Pick-up sports, gaming groups, the gym, bird watching, book clubs, knitting, miniature figure painting etc. There are likely people meeting at regular intervals to participate in activities like these and creating friendships.
Even if you don’t end up making friends, you will have picked up a new hobby and something to talk about during future conversations.