How to find topic and start an conversation?

4 comments

1. Get the person talking about themselves first it’s something we all like to talk about, the most important thing is to not suggest things you are interested in first as if they aren’t into the same things as you it deads the conversation. The basic openers name where there from do they have family what their job is (the job thing can be good as they my have something at work that’s on their mind that you can joke about like some office beef. However some people don’t wanna talk about their job so is a slightly riskier move) but then it’s important to add to the conversation like don’t just ask another question straight after. I was speaking to a girl at uni and I asked her if she had any family and she said yeah I’ve got 2 sister so I said I’ve got 2 brothers what do you reckon is worse 3 boys or 3 girls and then from then the convo flowed.hope this helps in some way

2. I can suggest few different approaches:

   Pick anything at random, literally anything. Don’t have something in your mind? Look at the environment, whatever catches your eye is the subject. Pizza joint? Talk about favorite Pizza or share a story about pizzas. Dog? Ask about their feeling about dogs, or tell about your dog share a funny story about a friend’s dog (obviously if you have or know a friend who have a dog)

   This method really helped me transition from being shy and can’t strike conversations to never shutting up. The more I randomly started talking, the better and quicker I pulled stuff at random. Today I can randomly approach anyone and unless they don’t want to speak with a stranger, I can always create conversation for at least couple minutes. But, if this doesn’t work for you, try this:

   Ask someone about themselves. Not the dry “what do you like” since the usual reply is “I have no idea”. Look at the person, what stands out? They have a really cool haircut? They wear an accessory? Have unique shoes? Chances are very high that if something stands out it is something intentional and that will lead the other person to both A) talk about it in more detail and perhaps passion about it & B) respect you or like you for noticing what others do not.

   Jewelery, accessories, daring mixing of clothes colors, haircut (unless it’s just cutting whatever you had just shorter) all these are thing we do to be unique even if we don’t notice it.

   Start by noting it and see how person responds – if they feel uneasy apologize and say you think it’s really cool but drop it. If they light up press on, compliment, ask why this and how it was chosen and go from there.

   You can also ask others about what they proud of, tell them something you’re proud of. Share a story about yourself.

   Just don’t ask closed questions, like”how are you” [fine] or what’s new or what’s up? [Nothing much] instead ask question that demand longer answers: “You look happier/crappies than usual, why?” Or share something recent you had and THEN ask them what did they do today (instead if what’s up or new, direct them)

   Oh darn, I started typing there was only one comment in the thread, wonder how many are by now.

3. You could ask the other person what they are interested in, what they want to talk about, you could start talking about what is interesting for you currently, what your thought and feelings are right now. And practicing asking good questions during the conversation. Because then the other person got to talk a lot and you come into a great flow.

   For me a good conversation is really not so much about the topic itself but more of a mindset thing. Being ok with silence, being ok with yourself and the person in front of you, bringing yourself in a social state by getting your internal conversation right. That’s what’s helping me a lot to have great conversations 🙂

4. “HI, what have YOU been up to lately?”

   Link to answer with relevant comment, question or insight of your own.