I was raised through Internet / keyboard in hands, and didn’t make the proper choice to throw these out to have a proper social development.
I stopped video games, animes, and bad rep activites, I now have proper hobbies, I dress correctly, etc…, but I don’t really “have” a personality, a sense of uniqueness, I play the extrovert and get out as much as possible, but it’s not yet fully incorporated, the lag between the me and the ideal me is way too large, I don’t/can’t want to waste more time anymore, so how do I develop a personality ?
4 comments
You have a personality. It is probably just either understated or masked. You mention performing the extrovert and this seems like a clue to the thing that holds you back, because while extroversion can be performed and mimicked it fundamentally is not. You are extroverted if it comes naturally and feels rewarding to behave in extroverted ways. If it is performance, then you are not extroverted.
It is common to succomb to social pressures that force us into certain performatory roles that feel more desireable, acceptable, or rewarding and there isn’t anything wrong with that. Many situations demand it of us, but to establish your own personality you are going to have to also provide yourself enough safe spaces where you experiment with dropping all those performed versions of yourself to embrace and share your most authentic self of your true interests, honest opinions, vulnerable stories, etc.
Eventually you will have an easier time integrating your performatory self and your authentic self to feel more fluid.
A caveat, your personality will IMO have almost nothing to do with the difference between you and ideal you, because personal development is a neverending journey rather than a destination. Your personality will come out of being on some level vulnerably honest with yourself and others about who you are currently rather than as much about who you hope you are becoming.
You have a personality. Everyone does. Perhaps you’re not as adept at expressing it yet. As for what’s authentic versus the result of social obligations, that’s difficult to say because they’re intertwined. You don’t exist in a vacuum. You exist in a society. Best not to worry about it too much. Figure that your authentic self is defined by how you push back against what society pressures you to do.
Vulnerability means being open to what most would consider the negatives of life: pain, rejection, disappointment, etc. You express vulnerability by being open with others and risking negative experiences. You don’t have to read people a list of the things that injure your soul lol.
Imagine liking a song that’s a guilty pleasure, something most might think is either uncool or doesn’t align with how others see you. I have several. For instance, I stand by that one of the best produced songs is Britney Spears’ Toxic. It’s perfect. But it doesn’t align with my usual mix of favorite songs.
Now imagine being in a conversation along friends and the topic of shitty songs comes up, and one of them pegs the song you like. Being vulnerable is saying, You know what? I like that song. Then your friends will ridicule you to which you’ll respond, Say what you will, I like that song.
It’s not the best example, however I think you get the point.
Hey OP hope you are well.
What was the last time you felt emotional about something? The last time you cried or came close to it? The last time you had a big old uncontrolled laugh? The last time you were happy for someone?
Dude, the kind of person who asks a crazy and interesting question like that is already halfway to awesome.