My (f 23) boyfriend (28) and I had great sex at the beginning of our relationship- like the best ever. He’s really into pleasing me and I liked that. I’m not really sure when the switch flipped for me, but I suddenly am kind of grossed out by sex, even in general. I have contamination ocd, so getting eaten out has always been uncomfortable for me. He listened and stopped. Now just the thought of trying to get horny makes me feel annoyed inside. For some context I’m a special ed teacher and come home mentally/physically exhausted (and tired of being touched). He always makes me feel good about myself, but his want for sex makes me irritated now and I don’t know what to do. I’ve seriously tried everything, but even the feeling of his hands makes me grimace now. He is a kinda, generous man who I still love deeply. I just don’t feel turned on by him anymore.
Things I’ve tried: just not having sex, new toys, getting adventurous, me initiating, and smoking weed helps but I can’t do that every time.
3 comments
Sounds like something to talk to a therapist about
Do you masturbate often?
Based on what you wrote, I don’t think it’s that you’re losing attraction.
Your work leaves you feeling touched out and even if your boyfriend isn’t one of the children that you work with, you still experience his desire for touch to be another demand on you and it’s just too much.
It’s not his fault and it’s not your fault. It’s just a bad alignment of timing.
You two should try reading the book “come as you are”. I think it would help both of you understand part of the dynamic here because in particular, would you have are these “brakes” on your ability to get aroused because you’re so touched up from work. Your boyfriend, inadvertently, is stepping on those breaks even harder without realizing it.
So what can you do? The two of you can work on how to remove some of those brakes which would give you a chance to feel more relaxed and more open to a different kind of touch.
I can’t tell you exactly what that looks like because the two of you would need to figure out the ways in which you can create space in your relationship for touch and intimacy that doesn’t leave you feeling even more put upon.