tl;dr : gf wants to comfort ex as he goes through a tough time
Hey everyone,
Just wanted to get an outside perspective on this as I am not exactly sure how to feel.
So recently my gf (F20) has finally gotten closure on when her ex (M20) broke up with her. She used to hate him but now is friends with him. Basically, his reasoning was that he didn’t feel he was giving her enough as he had huge family issues to take care of. He has recently opened up to her about these issues when they randomly ran into each other while in the neighbourhood. She has told me about these issues and I to sympathize for him.
My issue is that she wants to text him and keep up with him as she is concerned for his mental health. She gave him a hug to comfort him which I found kind of weird.
I think she should back off a little from playing his therapist and shoulder to cry on, but I also do not want to be a bad person about it as he legitimate has been going through a tough time.
So what do you think I should do?
8 comments
I would not date someone who isn’t over their ex.
Her keeping contact will be leading him on, whether she means to or not. He just broke up and is vulnerable, so won’t be a shock when wants her back. That she might not be totally over him is also a problem.
It’s nobodies responsibility to help their ex. It’s as easy as choosing easy comforts for your current SO, over self-indulging by acting like the hero to the person who left you. You should probably break up with her.
Red flag big time. She finally got closure by talking to him about his family issues, and now they are friends? That’s just a recipe for disaster. She’s leading him on, and quite frankly, I think it is intentional. When you go from despising an ex to becoming their friend overnight after an emotional breakup, the truth really starts to show itself. Unfortunately, I think the truth is that your gf isn’t over her ex. Personally, a bad family life is not an acceptable excuse for an ex to be involved in my partner’s life. When my grandfather passed, who was my dad basically, I’m not blowing up my ex while my wife is next to me. That’s just odd
If this situation were a divorced couple with kids, I’d be a little more understanding as there is a lot more time and maturity in the relationship. Also, you couldn’t hide issues like this in a more serious relationship, where a partner has a bad family life. But even then, I’d still feel uncomfortable to some degree.
So I’d just confront her and be like, “I’m having issues being cool with the situation going on with the ex. You went from hating him to being your friend because he has a bad family life, and you needed closure? I just don’t like the path this is going down because I don’t think you’re over your ex, and if all it took for him to be involved in your life this way was an I’m sorry my family sucks, then I just don’t believe I can be cool with that.”
Sounds like she is a kind person. I don’t think it’s weird. It’s a decent human thing to do.
I personally would not be comfortable dating someone who is their ex’s shoulder to cry on. There is really no need for her to be texting him and playing therapist. I highly doubt the only person he had to confide in was his ex who he presumably was no contact with for a while.
You don’t have to give her an ultimatum, but I’d definitely tell her this makes you uncomfortable.
Seems like crossing the line. There ain’t no cheese at the end of that tunnel.
This is NOT a good scenario.