So pretty much earlier today, I was playing basketball alone since it’s a hobby I tend to do alone. While I was balling on the court, I saw this cute girl come to the court to start playing.
Now typically i tend to avoid contact while playing unless A) they approach me first or B) they’re playing solo and they look friendly.
Either way both options tend to go outside the door with women for me cause I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes when they’re deep into their hobby and I don’t want to be one of those guys that bother women while they’re busy doing their hobby.
Anyway the girl stayed for like 20 minutes and didn’t play too much and I tried my best to ignore her to work on my skills and she ended up leaving.
I kind of feel like I should have approached her at the very least to have someone to play with for a bit and connect with but it seems like I wasted an opportunity
Was I right to not bother this person and what’s the etiquette when trying to initiate conversation or a connection while doing a hobby solo?
9 comments
Would you have minded if she came up to you and asked if you wanted to play a game? Even if you had to say no thanks, would it bother you? I imagine not.
There is literally no harm in asking.
Start off by saying hello to other people around you. There is no downside to greeting people male or female. It will make them more okay being near you. When you’re near someone and they’re silent or ignore you it’s a bad look and you would automatically assume they don’t want to talk to you, they don’t like you, etc.
Human interaction isn’t something to avoid, it’s necessary for us. And don’t think because she’s a girl you have to avoid her because you read online that girls don’t want to be bothered when they’re in public. That’s generally BS unless you’re a creep.
I say you should’ve went for it, or should go for it next time. I go through very similar situations because I never want to be a bother. I’m a woman and if I was doing an activity such as basketball which we could easily play together without it being weird, I’d be down
I understand you might feel apprehensive because the general consensus is to not approach women just minding their business.
I heavily agree with that sentiment; a woman on a bus stop or in the grocery store rarely appreciates being randomly hit on by a man.
When I give advice on the topic, I encourage people to start new hobbies so that they’ll meet new people organically through a shared interest.
The thing with the general consensus is, the problem rarely is that someone is trying to reach out for a genuine human connection.
It’s just that men who approach women in public spaces often have a sense of entitlement, or they’re working under a hidden agenda (that agenda being getting their d wet), and women really don’t appreciate being hassled while they’re just trying to get through the day. Women are wary of “nice guys” and we all know the horror stories about a rejection escalating to violence.
I gather from the context that in your hobby, it’s fairly common that strangers play together. It doesn’t seem like you’re only hanging around the court to hit on women and you seem respectful and considerate, so I believe you would take rejection gracefully, rather than getting upset.
Based on that, I’d genuinely just tell you to approach the next person you’d like to practise with, regardless of gender.
The etiquette is to act the same way you’d always act. Sincerity transcends language.
Worst case scenario is that they’ll say “thanks but no thanks”, which you shouldn’t take personally. Best case scenario, you made a new buddy.
TLDR; I don’t think the thing about bothering women applies in this context. If you’re genuinely just looking for someone to play with, there’s no harm in asking and you’re not bothering anyone.
This exact thing happened to me today. I mean EXACT. Only difference is the girl was there before me. I really wanted to ask her to play one on one. I ended up not approaching her because a million thoughts went off in my head. ‘What if I creep her out, what if she says no, what if.’ After she left I regretted not saying anything, because it was literally a perfect opportunity to approach and It’ll be a long time before I get a chance like that again.
As for the etiquette, idk man. Idk. If she seems approachable, just go for it
As a friendly gesture, give people who walk into a space you’re in a smile and eye contact, a little head nod along with all that also helps create a welcoming atmosphere. Let go of the eye contact naturally and go back to what you’re doing.
When they do something that garners your attention, look their way and acknowledge the moment positively, like with a smile or brief word, “ooh so close!” Or “nice one!” and see if they are being friendly right back by responding and smiling.
Then you continue this if it seems you both are interested in it, and can initiate a conversation when there’s a natural space for it. If one person is about to leave, make a point to introduce yourself if you haven’t already, and give a friendly word as they leave.
This is for any other human being you meet, regardless of gender, and is a good way to make friends. None of this is flirtatious, mind you. Simply friendly. Start there always.
“Hey, check this out!”
Then you run and jump and DUNK right in her face.
If it was a guy, would you approach them for a 1:1 game? If yes, how would you do it? Treat the woman the exact same way..
etiquette? is someone still selling untagged people? a request to participate in a game should be considered in the fun part of enjoying different a day. But if ur question is insecure then don’t hesitate in doing something you will be not comfortable with. a Hobby solo is just an expression to confuse crafting with a pastime or something that could be joyful with something harmful. In the end, there could be different conceptions of what you might b wanting to achieve but also a consideration of a different activity alone or accompanied is an opportunity that could take time to become a chance again.