Two months ago, I went on two pleasant enough first date with two guys who were nice. I wasn’t sure how attracted I was to either and wasn’t like smitten but thought it warranted second dates. The first guy asked if I wanted to hang again and I said yes, when I got back from an upcoming trip. And then we never made plans, which might be on me for not reaching out when I got back. The second guy didn’t immediately reach out after our first date so I texted him, and then he asked me to do something a few days later day of (I already had plans and said so but would love to another time).
Anyways the last two months ended up being busy professionally and with travel for various things but now I’m back and realizing I didn’t follow up with either of these guys. Though they didn’t either. I’ve had a rough time dating lately and am wondering if maybe I’m the problem and it is situations like these are preventing me from finding a relationship. Should I reach out to these guys and see if they would want to go out again? It has been two months. Or is it better to just move on and be more mindful next time, and assume since they didn’t follow up either they aren’t that interested? Has too long passed?
TLDR: went in first dates, then never scheduled second dates due to travel and being busy, should I reach out after two months have passed?
5 comments
I mean, it couldn’t hurt. You have nothing to lose by asking. But if you didn’t feel enough back then for a 2nd date, I don’t think much may change.
In both situations the guy attempted to ask you out, you said no for a reasonable reason and then they didn’t attempt to ask again.
As a guy myself who is about your age, I really don’t have time to attempt to schedule a date multiple times. So if I ask them out once and they give a reason (valid or not) not to, it is now in their court to plan the next date.
We (as guys) are used to the gentle no (I get why) so when someone says they can’t make it can be taken as someone saying no nicely.
Now if you reach out to them, they might be happy, they might be in a relationship, they might feel offended that they were not important enough to remember for 2 months, it depends on the person they are. I say why not, but in the future know that guys likely aren’t going to attempt to plan multiple dates
Yeah you should reach back out. Don’t overthink it, just a simple “hey, sorry I never followed up on a a second date, work got a bit crazy. I’d be keen to have one now though – let me know if this something you’re interested in :)”
They may ignore or reject you (maybe they’ve reflected and didn’t like you enough for a second date, or met someone else), but in that case you haven’t lost anything by asking.
In the dating world it’s generally done that if someone asks you for another date and you reject it (for whatever reason), it’s generally up to you to ask and plan about another one. It’s common courtesy but also, it saves face for everyone if you’re actually trying to soft reject them. If someone rejects your date you don’t keep asking them, because you have no way to know if their excuse is real or of theyre just trying to not see you again.
Go for it, give them a call. It’s not to late to try. You have valid reasons for not following up sooner. Good Luck
Maybe dudes are different.. but I had guys do this to me n its offensive. Dont come back months later expecting everything to be cool.