My partner and I had an argument today about my feelings towards her parents, triggered by the fact I didn’t want to spend two weeks with them over the summer. We live out of town, so had to decide how long to visit for.
She brought up that I hated her parents, which I don’t think I do. I just find interacting with them more tiring, and I want to spend my limited vacation time actually recharging.
I proceeded to list some of the reasons why it takes more energy for me when we visit them:
-There’s always a social event planned each night, totally ok for them as extroverts, but horribly exhausting for me
-I don’t like swimming and I’m made to feel bad about not swimming when we visit (they have a pool).
-They always say bad stuff about her sisters partner behind their back (I think her sisters partner is a really good, responsible partner. It makes me feel insecure on what they say about me)
-They make my wife feel bad about what she eats and her body, as well as me
She pointed out that everything I listed is negative, therefore I hate or strongly dislike them. They love her and spending time with them makes her happy. I don’t hate them, atleast not my definition of hate, but I don’t love them either and it should be ok?
I proposed a compromise, which is one week and that if she’d like to spend more time with her family she could stay longer. She feels I’m not making enough of an effort with her family and she doesn’t want to spend time apart from me either.
What do I do? I just don’t want to be around them for an extended time and we can’t seem to agree on a solution.
1 comment
So your wife expects you to spend all your time with people you don’t like very much and thinks that’s a sure way to win you round on enjoying their company.
Your wife needs to accept your compromise of one week. If perhaps you weren’t forced into such long times you might actually enjoy the shorter times.
And next time your in laws say something shitty about your bil call them out on it. And when they make remarks about your wife and you.