Feel free to tell me I’m wrong, but I’m feeling pretty bad about this situation and need outside perspectives. I’m purposefully leaving gender out of this, so the names don’t mean anything.
I’m living with two of my closest friends, let’s call them Avery and Blair, plus a fourth roommate, Cato. I became friends with Avery and Blair in mid high school while they went waay back. I always understood in the back of my mind that I’d never be as big of a priority to them, but I’d still like to think I at least got pretty close to Blair due to us sharing many interests. Cato came along later, and I was able to befriend them too.
The four of us decided it would be nice to live together in college, so we did. Things were pretty good for a year and we were all pretty tight, until Cato talked to Avery about some problems they were having with them. After that, nothing was ever really resolved and Cato just withdrew while Avery became anxious and often turned to Blair for support. I tried my best to mediate between Avery and Cato while staying neutral but that probably backfired.
The dynamic in our group shifted so fast. Blair eventually took Avery’s side since they both had their qualms about Cato, and I had my reservations about Cato as well, but tried to keep an open mind, since with the inciting incident, both parties were at fault. However, Blair and Avery turned into a kind of “anti-Cato club,” and I felt kind of stuck in the middle since I wasn’t quite ready to villainize Cato.
Then, not long after, Avery experienced a significant loss of a loved one. Their need for support from Blair increased a lot, with good reason, and Blair was a very good friend to them. I also tried my best to support Avery, but totally understood that Blair was their first choice for comfort. This all happened during a break from school, but when we all returned, the dynamic was more drastically different.
Avery and Blair spend almost all day, every day, together. Blair signed up for a class with Avery that takes place twice a week, and they get lunch together once or twice a week. Blair drives Avery to work. When they get home, they are still joined at the hip. This entire semester, I have never seen either one living their own life- all of their hobbies have converged, and after having class/getting lunch, they will come home and keep hanging out from 3 pm till 3-5 am. They are only apart when they sleep. Call me jealous or petty, but I feel like even securely attached friends who live together do not spend 17+ hours with each other on the daily. Not to mention, with the exile of Cato, over the course of a year, their social circle has shrunk from a large club, to 4 or so close friends, to just me, and even I feel like I’m slowly being pushed out. They never talk favorably about their “mutual friends” and will see them sometimes upon request, but talk shit the second they get home. Blair and I used to game, go to the gym, etc. on a fairly regular basis but that barely happens anymore and only happens when Avery isn’t home. Everything we’ve done together this semester has been from my request.
This left me in a weird spot because now I feel like I’m constantly third wheeling Blair and Avery. It just feels like Blair and Avery against the world now, and I’m about to become part of the world considering most of their effort goes into hanging out with each other at this point. Anyone experience third wheeling a codependent friendship? What did you do about it? Also feel free to tell me that I’m delusional and that they have a perfectly healthy friendship and that I need to stop being jealous, because that’s also an option haha
TL;DR: A series of events have brought two of my closest friends together to the point of disregarding most other things and people, and I’m afraid of losing them.