How you grow as a person

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1. Step one: fuck everything and everyone- only focus on yourself.

   Get into the habit of working out and getting your diet in check.

   Drink enough water, less or no booze and get a sleep rhythm going.

   Get a grooming routine and a haircut that fits you.

   When you like how your body turns out, take some insta-schmug (like magicfox) and copy their style with off brand clothing.

   Get to know people via a hobby.
   Bonus points if it’s outdoors, a sport, or fighting sport.

2. Find a door to door sales job and try really hard to do well. You really just need to talk to more people and door to door sales gives you the chance to do it in a very low consequence situation.

3. Working out is a cliche but it works…if you can’t go to a gym there are body weight exercises you can do in your home or bedroom.

   Making yourself uncomfortable is really the only way to grow. Push yourself to do things that are just a little bit uncomfortable (for you though don’t compare yourself to others).

   Keep track of your successes as well as your failure and look at them both objectively try to figure out how to replicate success and avoid *the same* mistakes (failure is a necessary part of growtth it should be avoided).

   Always celebrate your successes but never lament your losses. Write your victories down and when you are feeling blue revisit your successes, we often forget the things we have done right. Remember for some people just getting out of bed to brush their teeth is a major victory so keep everyhting relative to you.

4. You have chosen a great time to ask this question. You are still in HS and can grow yourself into whatever type of man you want to be. You have much time to experiment. Try some or all of these:

   1. Sit down and imagine the type of person you want to be as an adult. Write it down and save it in your notes. Check back regularly to ensure you’re doing what’s necessary to be that person.

   2. Don’t have any serious relationships or kids. It’s much easier to grow as a person if you’re the only person you have to focus on. Besides, if you feel you’re still growing do you think it’s fair to be a half baked bf or father?

   3. Continue therapy. It’s great to have someone listen to your problems without interruption and an unbiased opinion.

   4. Be a good mental coach to yourself. Identify those negative voices in your head. Address where it comes from and give them as much attention needed to shut them up. Exercise: close your eyes and imagine your mind as a dark stage. Listen to all the voices speaking and identify the negative voices by shining the spotlight on them when you hear them. Allow that voice to speak and say everything it needs to. Keep asking it why. What you may find is there’s an underlying reason that voice says what it does. This will allow you to get to the root of that negativity and begin to silence that voice.

   5. Examine your parents with a fine tooth comb. You’re at the point in life where you can begin to see your parents as people. Study who they are and learn why they do the things they do. You may be surprised that you do similar things. Once identified you can begin to lessen that genetic behavior.

   6. Celebrate yourself. Take a mental inventory of all your accomplishments and give yourself a huge pat on the back. Regularly find time to count your blessings. This will give you an appreciation for who you are and what you’ve become.

   You have your whole life ahead of you abrocado. It’s up to you as to how you want to live it. Take control of your life and do the work now to be who you want to be. Trust me, your amazing life will pay off in dividends if you invest the time and effort now. Good luck 🙂

5. I struggled with social anxiety when I was your age, and still do struggle with anxiety. I still have remnants of the social part, its mostly gone now. The first thing to note is that you’re not alone. Plenty of men struggle with anxiety – dealing with it ways that are healthy, unhealthy, or somewhere in between. Without opening up and talking about it with other men its easy to slip into unhealthy coping mechanisms. I speak from experience.

   Accept yourself for who you are now and try not to beat yourself up. This doesn’t mean you can’t change yourself. Its a long and hard journey, but opening up like you’re doing now (I hope with your therapist too) is the first important step of your path. Acceptance for yourself is next, then a plan to start to deal with it. In my opinion, and I’m no therapist, is that your plan can be as easy or as uncomfortable as you want to be. And it will be uncomfortable. Some people prefer taking small steps, others big leaps into the uncomfortable/unknown. I didn’t used to look people in the eyes, or open my mouth for more than I needed to. Another important part, and this is much easier with a professional such as your therapist: work through WHY you might be socially anxious. For me, I was afraid of what people might think of me. Better to slink into a corner and hide away, I thought. Maybe you feel similar. A small thing that helped me was simply saying “Hello” to strangers I saw on a walk. Looking them in the eyes, giving a smile, and just saying “Hello” was terrifying. It didn’t always go well – and that’s okay. Not everything will. As I practiced more and more I got better at it. Then I started saying “How are you doing today?” Nothing crazy. But slowly but surely I built up my social confidence to the point where I now feel ” normal “. I still get nervous. That mortifying fear starts to creep back. But I accept that feeling, say “Hello” to it, and let it pass on.

   I will be honest. The journey takes courage. Whever a small or big step, build it up. Everyone’s got courage inside them – you do, even if you don’t feel like its there.A little glowing ember. Feed that flame slowly but surely. Shine bright and beautiful. I believe in you. Most important of all: your’re not alone.

6. Watching Kathryn Mueller helps me grow.

7. “True wisdom begins when we accept things as they are.”