My girlfriend gets to have sleepovers with our friends BB and MM. They’re trans men if that makes a difference, but I choose to respect them like men so it bugs me. The issue is the other day BB laid on my. girlfriends shoulder. When I talked about it I said clearly to BB “just man to man, I’m not comfortable with another dude being that way with my girlfriend. The cuddling really bothers me” and BB was super understanding of my point and stopped, my girlfriend was a bit upset with me for stopping him though. MM was there and heard what I said as well and caused no issues and was very understanding with my point of view.
This weekend BB, MM, and my girlfriend are planning to have a sleepover. I text BB and just said “hey man, just making sure you’re alright with staying firm to no cuddling?” and he totally was. I talked to my girlfriend about it very soon after and she was a little upset and confused. She said it was fine because they were just friends. I told her it doesn’t matter because at the end of the day she’s still cuddling with other guys. The way I see it, she’s still going to a sleepover with other men and cuddling with them which is so disrespectful to me and our relationship. BB and MM are fine with my issues, I can’t figure out why she isn’t.
I have a feeling she’s gonna do it at the sleepover anyways, what do I do if she does? Even if she doesn’t (which I’m more confident in anyways) what could I say to help her understand what I’m trying to communicate? Am I just being a controlling asshole? I’m just so uncertain what to feel about this I suppose.
TLDR: My girlfriend is cuddling with our guy friends, the friends understand why I don’t like that but she doesn’t.
5 comments
She got “a little upset”? What happens if you tell her, in no uncertain words, do not cuddle with anyone except me?
Your gf is a dopey fuck if she doesnt get it, sorry. But you should also be talking to her first and not her friends. Going over her head is disrespectful too
That’s a sticky situation to be in. It’s understandable that you’re not cool with your girl cuddling up with other dudes. I mean, it’s natural to feel a little possessive, right? But hey, props to you for handling it like a gentleman and talking to BB man to man. That’s the way to do it.
It’s cool that BB and MM are chill about it, but it’s weird that your girl is still tripping about it. I mean, you’re not asking for much, just some respect for your relationship. If it were me, I’d straight up tell her that it’s not cool and that it hurts your feelings. Communication is key, bro.
If she still doesn’t get it, then maybe you gotta reevaluate things, you know what I’m saying’? Like, is this relationship really worth it if she can’t respect your boundaries? And nah man, you ain’t being a controlling asshole. You’re just looking out for yourself and your girl.
Boundaries dictate our reactions to actions that bother us
If one of your boundaries for a partner is that they shouldn’t cuddle with other friends, or just other male friends, you communicate that clearly and explain why to whatever degree is necessary.
Compliance doesn’t require understanding necessarily, but most people will seek to understand as best as they can
If a partner crosses said boundary, what is your action going to be?
It’s not worth teaching someone basic respect in relationships certainly not someone who gets pissy about it. Find someone who actually wants to respect your very normal boundaries in a relationship