I thought our arguments couldn’t get more ridiculous but boy was I wrong. My girlfriend got upset over an anime girl.
For context, I was streaming Genshin to her and I pulled Yelan. I jokingly said she was hot and my girlfriend went silent. She asked me if she was my type and I was so taken aback by the question, I didn’t know what to say. She got more upset, saying she’s not my type and yada yada. I got fed up and I fucked up here but I said she was insecure to get this upset over an anime girl. Understandably, that made her even more upset. I apologized immediately and she kept bringing it up, that I’m a different person or I’m not as nice as she thought I was. I want to point out I’ve never ever called any other (real) girl attractive in front of her because I know how disrespectful that is to her and I don’t want to hurt her.
As this was our big 2nd argument over something so stupid within a week, I decided I didn’t want to do this anymore. I told her I wanted a break to think things through but because her ex broke up with her after a break as well, she didn’t want it. She begged and cried for me to stay, promising to work on how she deals with arguments. Before anyone attacks me for saying I’m blaming it all on her, she’s really difficult to deal with in these situations. She becomes very passive aggressive, says the most gaslighty things or simply gives me the cold shoulder. Overall, she’s not very mature when we’re fighting.
Of course, I felt really guilty because I truly wanted to make her happy. I decided to stay to give her one more chance on the condition she’ll deal with arguments in a healthy manner. If she doesn’t, I’m leaving for good. I honestly don’t feel anything will change for the better but I’m not sure what else I could have done. I’m not sure how to proceed with this relationship honestly. I feel stuck. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: girlfriend begged me to stay but I caved in
4 comments
You two are too old to be playing these games and it sounds like you aren’t compatible. You have every right not to want to deal with someone who weaponizes their insecurities because they aren’t sure how to deal with them in a healthy way.
You need to just cut the cord though or it’s always going to be this sort of back and forth between you two. Don’t stay because you feel obligated or want to make her happy. Stay because you genuinely want to but it doesn’t sound like you do.
So you’re willing to sacrifice your happiness so she can pretend to be happy?
Couple things:
1) Yes you shouldn’t have said what you said. That’s not really a nice thing to say.
2) Even though you shouldn’t have said it what you said is 100% right. The fact that she got upset bc you said an anime girl is attractive is a problem. It shows a complete lack of any sort of trust.
She has to understand that you can’t control who you’re attracted to and that simply the fact that you are attracted to someone else (which again you can’t control) doesn’t mean you’d cheat on her with them.
The reality to this too is there’s not much you can do about it. The only thing you can do is not give her reasons to suspect you’re cheating, and it doesn’t sound like you’ve been doing that. This is her problem for thinking that bc you find someone attractive you want to be with them and thus it’s something she needs to deal with herself.
3) crying bc you wanted to take a break is extremely manipulative. I don’t know that it’s intentional but that’s what it is. Intentionally or not she is essentially holding you hostage by letting you know if you break up with her she’ll freak out and cry and beg for you not to leave.
This is very toxic and not healthy. Personally I say that you need to leave and not take the bait of her crying. That’s her problem and not yours to fix.
There was nothing wrong with what you said, and you shouldn’t have apologized for it. If she’s getting worked up when you say an animated character is hot in passing, that’s something she needs to work on. It’s not like you’re going through social media making comments about how hot real women on there are to her.