This happens often enough that it bothers me. A lot of times it happens with people I don’t know like a cashier at the store. I’m trying to be friendly, but then they have this reaction that they don’t like me or something. I don’t grin at them or anything or make really intense eye contact. I don’t know why I keep getting negative reactions but it’s making me self-conscious. I’m female btw
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Some people would rather keep strangers at arm’s length, and get uncomfortable with too much friendliness. Does this still happen when you’re completely neutral/businesslike with them?
Some people are just shitty and like to make others feel shitty.
I have a bad habit of taking things personally, what I try to tell myself is that if I’ve never had a meaningful interaction with the other person, then their opinion of me shouldn’t bother me that much.
If you know you did nothing wrong and had no bad intentions, then the problem is with the other person. Just try to shrug it off and get on with your day
You’ve violated the unwritten rule that life is supposed to suck
Do your smile to someone you trust and ask them to rate how genuine it seems.
Maybe you are too intrnse with someone who doesn’t reciprocate and haven’t built any rapport.
Maybe your smile is too fake and people see through it
Maybe the situation where you do it is too forced, like at a cashier and the person working just wants to keep working
Maybe it’s you overthinking
If someone gives me a dodgy look I just think there obviously just an arse hole and carry on with my day.
They don’t want to match your energy and engage with you. It could be for any reason; a migraine, grief, bad day, poor social skills, whatever. No one wants to be friendly all the time. They’re just avoiding the cheerful lady who might expect them to chat happily.
I live in a city where if someone smiles and makes even the tiniest bit of eye contact with you, they are going to ask you for something, usually money. or as a woman it will be a man hitting on me. both situations i want to avoid. makes me sad though
They might just look like that tbh. Sometimes if I’m just lost in my thoughts I look really angry. I smile back of I notice someone looking at me, but others don’t. They may think they have a neutral expression when in reality they’re glaring at you
I always think it’s bc of my looks
I don’t know where you’re from but in some European countries it’s normal for cashiers to be in a bad mood. It’s just because they don’t like their job. It has nothing to do with the customers.
Stop trying to be friendly, especially with total strangers and especially when money is being exchanged. Aim for being courteous, civil, or polite.
It’s not that people don’t like you, it’s that people don’t *know* you, so when you come off as ‘trying to be friendly’ off the rip it spooks most folks a bit because it can come across as really fake and manipulative. Consider why it’s so important to you to garner the good will of strangers…and really think about why it matters to you if the cashier at a store ‘likes’ you or not. He or she is just trying to do their job: Say hello and whatever else speech the store requires, ring up the product, take your money, hand you the product or bag it up, say Goodbye. What else do you want, what kind of social exchange are you looking for?
The scowls may be because they can’t win in this situation; if you want to converse about whatever they have to pretend an interest or you could complain to the store management, but even if they want to talk/chit-chat past courtesy they’re on a timer so must keep the line going, or maybe you’re the 20th person that shift! insistent on a friendly conversation when they just want to do their job.
Consider leaving people alone at their jobs. As long as they are courteous, don’t press them for friendly. And don’t take it personal because it’s not personal on their end, they don’t know you, you’re just a customer they have to wait on to earn money. Work is not a social event for them.
I think it somewhat depends on where you are, too. I was originally raised in the American South where people very much expected smiles or polite conversation from everyone who breathed in the same 30 meter radius. In other parts of the country, this is considered very draining and off putting. In other countries, it could be seen as downright weird/creepy Americans being way too extra.
Do you do it expectantly? That is, long enough to get a reaction? Most people smile at strangers fleetingly. If you smile and make eye contact expectantly (long enough to get a reaction/ as though you are expecting a reaction), it would be off-putting unless we’re friends, i think.