Someone please tell me I’m not crazy for being offended when I found this out. He doubled down when he explained the value of his time and why outsourcing was so important. I tried to explain you can’t outsource romance and I could hire someone to send him a nice message every day but it’d lack meaning. He didn’t get it.
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I’ve done this many times. I’ve had my assistants send my wife flowers, gifts, book surprise holidays, etc…
I’m not outsourcing romance, I’m automating the mundane activities.
Imaging a scenario where I went on my phone and said, “Hey Siri, order a bunch of wild flowers from XYZ Florist. Have them delivered to [insert wife’s name here] at home tomorrow. Make the card read, “Love you lots, just thought this would be a nice surprise!””
Now Siri goes out to the internet, finds that florist, orders wild flowers to be sent to my wife at home tomorrow, and populates the card field with the text. Siri then uses my card in Apple Pay to pay for it.
Am I outsourcing romance or automating the process of ordering it?
Using my assistant is just a form of human automation – they do tasks that I ask them to do.
AI automation is less than three years away from the scenario I described above but it’s essentially the same as having my PA do it.
He thought about you and did something nice for you. If he hadn’t remembered and his PA sent you something because it popped up in her calendar, then maybe you have a point, but being upset by the fact that he didn’t click the buttons is not a legitimate issue.
I mean, this seems like small potatoes to me, but maybe there’s a history for you that makes it more significant in the context of your relationship.
He gets it. It’s just not important to him. He wasn’t being romantic, he was just ticking an item off his list. I’d leave the flower thing alone for now and start thinking about ways that you two can get some more 1 on 1 quality time for connection and romance
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Ngl, I see nothing wrong with what your hubby did here.
But at the same time my SO got upset with me when I did the exact same thing your hubby did.
So not only is it the thought that counts, but the effort one puts into it. 🤷🏾♂️
I think sending flowers is pretty unremarkable and mundane. The act of actually doing the calling to the florist vs having his assistant do it doesn’t really put any more or less thoughts or feelings into an otherwise pretty basic gift.
As the Navy says:
A shot across the bow…
One fair warning about things is okay. Somethings are dead on arrival for a marriage…this is Grey area.
Calls for a warning shot to not allow it again
I don’t understand why this is an issue. I mean, you could go further with this thinking and demand he grow the flowers himself instead of just buying them.
It’s no different than getting a takeout instead of cooking the meal yourself.
I can see why it made you feel that way. It’s the feeling of it being impersonal. If he’d backed it up by saying, “it was important for me to make sure you got some flowers. I love you”. But he didn’t, his response made it even worse and even more disconnected.
As a woman we want to feel special. We don’t need and expect our spouses kneeling at our feet and licking our shoes constantly, but just sometimes we need to feel wanted and thought about.
It IS the thought that counts, but also it needs to feel personal. Not felt like an afterthought.
Perhaps plan for some one to one time together.
He forgot about the 2 dudes that got killed the same day years apart?? Man, he’s a monster.
Hmmm. Did you want him to go pick them out at a florist or order them online himself?
I’m trying to put myself in your shoes, but am not understanding.
IMO, as a lady, I don’t think this would bother me. He thought of you. He thought, “I’m gonna buy her flowers.” He just didn’t take the 10 minutes to get on the app and do it himself. But he made sure it got done.
IDK. I feel like if he would’ve come home and said “I didn’t get you anything for Valentines Day because I didn’t have time,” you’d probably be angry too. You might think “I’m not a priority since he couldn’t even take 10 minutes to order me flowers.”
This just feels like a no-win for him.
I’m going to provide the perspective of a high level executive.
On average a week (I’m indeed working right now as we speak) I do at least 60 hours. And at least 25 of those hours are meetings. I’m constantly going from one meeting to another meeting, preparing for a meeting, meeting with customers, and listening to people complain.
And my administrative assistant basically runs my entire life. I get so busy that she outright tells me where I need to go, who I need to talk to, what I have coming up, answers my phones, and manages my email. And there have been several times where she reminded me to do things for my life just looking out for me.
For example, last valentine’s day I had to travel and was gone that Thursday to the next Monday. Then that Tuesday my aa was catching me up on everything and asked if I had gotten my wife anything for Valentine’s Day and I didn’t because I was behind on so many things. But come to find out she had reserved a dinner for my wife I and had bought one of those edible arrangement things.
So my wife and I went and had a really good time. And I was upfront with my wife and told her that my aa booked the restaurant. And my wife appreciated the honesty and the fact that we got to spend some time together undisturbed.
I think the big difference between your husband and I is the fact that your husband wasn’t truthful.
I don’t think you are crazy for being offended. If my spouse were to outsource my Valentine’s gift to someone else, I would feel upset too and it’s not because I don’t appreciate him. I would very much rather he buy an inexpensive gift or do something nice to show that he’s thinking of me on this special day.
I think there are merits to what other Redditors have mentioned, maybe consider having a heart to heart talk about why this bothers you and hopefully he’ll understand. Sometimes it takes a little more pushing to get guys to understand, based on my personal experience with my husband too.
I worked in a multinational for years. There was no boss (when men) that send the flowers, it was always the assistant.
Sounds to me like he did get you flowers. He just had his assistant do the logistics. What’s the problem? Your husband was thoughtful and caring.
Is Valentine’s Day the only time he buys you things? If not I think that was his reasoning. It’s not that he doesn’t care but it’s just one day and maybe he was thinking “at least I participated” not “Having someone send her flowers is just as romantic”
You’re not crazy! It comes across as very impersonal and unromantic. Plus when a man goes to the effort to view the best looking flowers for his woman it demonstrates his desire to want to put a smile on your face and a skip in your step. Having someone else buy them makes a statement, “I just don’t have time to invest in you”. Your not the #1 priority in his life. Personally, my wife would throw them back at me if they come from anyone but me!