I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years now (starting next month). I can’t stop bringing up old things that have happened.
I am 21 F and he’s 25 M, at the beginning it was fine until I noticed a text in his phone of him attempting to cheat on me but he didn’t only because left him on delivered. We talked it out and I didn’t care much only because he didn’t do it as far as I was aware so we got over it. Not long after he started checking out my aunt (same age as me) in front of me which felt disrespectful so I hit his arm only enough to get his attention to quietly tell him that it was rude. I told my aunt later in private because I was upset and she had ever since and come to find out she would flirt or try to get his attention in anyway possible ever since I spoke with her about it.
Later I stupidly fussed at him about her actions instead of fussing at her. We made up and I stopped going around my aunt, then when things were good again not long after came him trying to control what I wear and only wanting me to wear skimpy clothing. I don’t know why I stayed but I wanted to make it work. After a month or two of crying and fussing he finally stopped trying to control my clothing.
I found out I was pregnant, he then started having a bunch of porn in his phone which was never a big deal until we were watching a movie and he started telling me how much he loves Latina women because of how beautiful they are. I am not Latina… so that was just random and I didn’t really want to hear that. I started to see a lot of the porn in his phone was latinas and also normal Latina Instagram model photos that weren’t even sexual in any way. There were so many. He then followed a Latina and downloaded most of her videos of her walking on a treadmill or jumping rope. I asked him if he used those pictures and workout videos to pleasure himself and he said no. I asked him if he could delete the ones that weren’t porn just because I didn’t feel comfortable knowing how much he’s attracted to latinas already. He told me that he won’t stop following the Latina woman and he “won’t delete the photos because there isn’t an issue with anything he’s doing and I’m just insecure.”
He also had a favorite cam girl downloaded in his phone over 40+ videos or more who was also a Latina woman. I think they are beautiful but there’s a point where it seems a little creepy no matter what the person is. I hope this isn’t sounding offensive to anyone, I’m just trying to explain it with as much detail as I can. I felt very bad.
He talked about wanting to get marrried when I was pregnant, then when I had the baby he barely helped and expected me to do everything for the baby and I was only running on 1 hour of sleep everyday and half the days no sleep at all. I had suicidal thoughts and was very depressed due to post partum. He told me “he would have much rather be in My shoes because working is much harder than anything I was possible doing.”He ate 3+ times a day, showered everyday, slept 8 hours a day and even on his breaks at work…he could even shit and pee whenever he wants. I barely ate 1 time a day if I was lucky due to caring for the baby and never got to shower rarely and had to hold in my bladder most of the time.
He told me he didn’t want to get married anytime soon. Not to mention everytime we go out somewhere h used to always check out a woman in the store and make a comment about how he liked how she looked. But we talked months ago and are soon to be married. The relationship is decent but something that I want is for him to be romantic but he is very boring ever since the baby came along. I love him very much and trust him, we’ve came so far together but am I asking for too much for him to atleast try to be romantic…he doesn’t put much emotional effort in either…when I talk he doesn’t listen much and states he is but it just looks like he isn’t. I can’t let the past go when I am upset and it hurts me that I am being an asshole at times since no matter how hard I try to communicate it’s like it’s not getting through to him. I cry a lot…I only have my fiancé to talk to, my family doesn’t really talk to me and I have no friends…
TLDR: fiance made me feel insecure, now I can’t stop bringing up the past.
4 comments
Sounds like he doesn’t respect you and you don’t trust him.
Unless these issues are resolved it’s bound to fail.
He’s already checked out. You have a baby together and he’s using that and your social isolation to beat you down emotionally because he thinks you aren’t going to do anything about it. You’ve expressed your concerns and he has dismissed them. He’s already a deadbeat father. What happens when/if you get pregnant again? You need to start making plans to leave because this isn’t going to get any better.
I read the first sentence of every paragraph and he already sounds like a sleezbag of an unhelpful partner. Find a partner.
So he’s a crappy father and partner. What are you holding on for? He’s repeatedly broken your trust, left you with no support for you a kiddo, and doesn’t respect you.