I’ve been at this place for 5 years and barely say anything to anyone. I had a change-up with how my job is done so there is this woman whose desk I have to go to to pickup paperwork from.
The other day I was getting some papers and I had my earbuds in. She asked me what I was listening to, and I told her “Megadeth”. Which is abnormal for me to say. Like…I can’t stress how much I panic when someone asks me something. Normally I would have flinched and said something like “uh…just…music”.
But here I was just outright saying it. She was like “really??” And made some comments about how she didn’t expect me to be a metal fan.
Again today she brought it up saying “Yeah, I just still can’t get over the fact you like metal haha”. And I managed to follow that up with saying I’ve been a big fan since high school. Again, I wouldn’t normally be able to do this but today I was somehow. She mentioned she had a pantera phase when she was younger.
A guy came up while I was still getting papers and told her that he had gotten the “strap” she needed. I’m typing of course but I’ll try to capture exactly how I speak because I do these awkward pauses in order to take a second to think. When he left I said “Heh…I uh…thought he said…he had a ‘strat’ for you…like you were getting a guitar”.
I cringe. But she laughed. She made a comment like “That would be awesome but I wouldn’t be able to play a lick”
Now…this is where I start stressing. Trying to imply that I am bad at guitar I say “Heh…yeah. I think…trying to watch me keep rhythm is…entertainment in itself”.
She looks at me. “Uh…say that again?” So I do. I think she *kinda* got it, paused for a while and said “so I guess we shouldn’t ask you to dance? Lol” I laughed and said “Yeah probably not”.
I don’t know why that bothers me so damn much. Know that in the 5 years I’ve been there, that is the most open I’ve ever been with someone there.
I saw a post here stressing that sometimes we’re the problem in situations and we shouldn’t blame others for how we fail at communicating. I do agree. And Look, I believe there are definitely people who have had a toxic attitude about my silence and I wouldn’t want to win them over even if I could. But this…I can’t explain. I just feel like I deserve this person thinking I’m super weird.
Like…I keep thinking maybe I might have accidentally implied something sexual? That’s my biggest fear. I didn’t mean it like that. maybe there was some bit of context that I didn’t express which made what I said sound like nonsense to her.
I just can’t get that interaction out of my head and how gross I feel after.
3 comments
Like my therapist would say: ‘you risked something that day’. You spoke to your coworkers and acted differently than you normally would. And now your kind of panicking, because you are worried that you did something wrong, because you did someting different. And it doesn’t feel like it, but it is a good sign, because you are allowing yourself to make new experiences. Try not to listen to the hard part, that tries to tell you, you are akward and not capable of handeling social interactions. You did really great and you can be proud of yourself! I would say it sounded like a nice little convo. Don’t stress yourself, if she missundefstood what you said, I don’t think she did. And it seems like she is interested in the occasional little chat with you. Keep it up!
You are overthinking (which is ok, but do realise it). Seems like a normal interaction to me. Way to go, stepping out of your comfort zone!
You’re okay. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and it never did.
You had a flirty exchange and you did fine enough. You said one thing, she said another, each of you building (escalating) on what was previously said.
Now I wouldn’t go so far to say whether she likes you or not. However I think you left a positive impression on he. In the least, she thinks you’re interesting. I wouldn’t be surprised if she probed your personality further.
I think this exchange might bother you because you risked being vulnerable. You shared a sliver of your life with someone and risked being judged for it. People think being vulnerable is to show your weaknesses. I think that’s incomplete. It’s risking judgment especially on something that you hold dear or take seriously. You revealed metal is part of your identity to a coworker and you were judged positively. That’s a good outcome.
You made a giant social leap and handled it like a champ. Excellent!