My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. He’s the first person I had sex with. He recently told me that he had sex with another girl 2 years before our relationship, they were FWB and she ended up having sex with multiple other people, this bothered him because he specifically told her he wants it to be between them for health reasons etc. he also lived in a really bad environment at the time (this was during COVID) and he did a lot of shrooms to cope (at high dosage, in combination with weed) and from what it seems he went into psychosis and repressed the situation that happened because he “convinced himself it was a bad dream”. I don’t know what to do right now, I love him and he’s actually a brutally honest guy which is why this shocks me. He said he remembered because he went home and he met up with his best friend and he said how wants to marry me but sometimes my past bothers him and his best friend called him a hypocrite and reminded him. I have really bad trust issues, and sometimes I get intrusive thoughts about “what if he’s lying abt the whole situation just to hurt me cause I have a past”. I know he loves me and my friends have also been like “he’s a good guy who’s objectively done a lot for u so it’s not good to throw away the foundation u guys have built over this issue. Especially something from the past”. People have also said to me that he’d gain nothing from lying, instead he stood the risk of losing me but still came clean cause that was the right thing to do. I’m just not sure what to do right now.
11 comments
It was 2 years ago, and if he’s telling the truth then it wasn’t a deliberate lie. What’s the issue? Do you think he’s still lying to you?
The past is the past, and everyone has one. 9/10 times, it shouldn’t affect a current relationship. Sometimes, I could see where there’s merit to considering a partner’s past, but when it comes to past sexual escapades, you really shouldn’t care.
This is a non-issue.
This is a little hard to follow, so take the following with a grain of salt in case I misunderstood. Form what I can gather your current boyfriend had sex with someone two years before you met while being in a drugs-induced psychosis. It is, however, *not* the psychosis-bit that bothers you, but rather the fact that he had sex?
Unless you live in a very conservative environment, the people you will data if you break-up will have had sex with someone other than you at some point in your past. That is just something you will need to accept. The fact that your bf was in such a bad place that he felt the need to self-medicate with shrooms and weed, however, *is* something to consider. It does not make him a bad person, nor does it make him a bad person to be with – that is, if he is a better place right now and gets the right type of support from a therapist.
It was before he was with you. You’re making a huge deal whre there is none.
It sounds like he was in a rough spot emotionally a couple years ago, acted irresponsibly, and now regrets it. Unless you think he’s likely to go on benders and hook up with people again then everything should be ok between you two. You can’t fault people for having sex years before they met you,
Yall are grown right previously if yall are fucking,idk tho,but be mature and just dont worry about it,if it happened before yall and he doesn’t have any stds yalll good not ur problem
Couples counselling maybe? It seems like you have trust issues like I did with my partner despite us being best friends of 5 years and knowing all about his love life…it was mostly my insecurities but that’s something that helped us
I flat out don’t understand the timeline of what’s happened here.
You sound kind of stupid
It sounds like you both have sexual histories. That’s normal. It seems weird that he would forget about having sex with another girl. Just my opinion, but that sounds fishy. Sorry. It just seems hard to believe.