I (20f) have been seeing this guy (20m) and he keeps telling me stuff about how he wants to be in a poly relationship. I would be okay with this if it was more of an open relationship but him having an emotional connection to other people makes me really anxious. I have abandonment and trust issues from the very beginning and he’s the only person that I haven’t had that with. I really really like this guy and I want to work with him on this. He’s so sweet and kinda and funny and I can be weird around him with no hesitation. I know this is just my own insecurities talking but I really don’t even know how to begin. I only have one very large serving of love to give and he has a bunch of servings? Does this mean if I’m sharing him with other girls he’s only going to be mine on my days of the week? When I love someone I love fully and wholeheartedly, I want to give this guy the world and travel with him and make him happy and I only get a piece of his time? How do I do this?
3 comments
Seems your reservations and cons add up more than the pros. If you’re looking for long term commitment in a partner then personally I couldn’t entertain a poly relationship or an open one.
It seems you’ve given a lot of yourself to this guy even with the issues you have stated before and this to me would only exacerbate them more and leave you in paranoia when he isn’t around.
I think a big discussion would be in order, if my partner told me she wanted to be poly Id take it as a sign she wants me to treat her right but be able to see others sexually whenever – to me that doesn’t work.
This is only advice I can give, not a ‘you must do’ as your views and feelings are different to mine. But I’ve had friends deal with similar to disguise cheating and I wouldn’t want you to be hurt.
All the best
This isn’t something you can really compromise on. I have experience with poly relationships and I absolutely love them. I’m currently in a 4 person polycule. However I don’t think I would’ve had the emotional/mental maturity to handle this when I was 20. (I’m 36m).
The biggest thing in poly relationships is communication. There is no “one way” to do it. If this is something that you are open to, then you can set the boundaries you want. He may not accept them and if that’s the case then you two just aren’t compatible and you’d both need to part ways. While this may be easier said than done, it really is as simple as that.
So I’ll bring this back to you. Do you actually want a poly relationship, or is this simply something you’re entertaining because it’s what he wants?
You don’t.
That’s an incompatibility on par with wanting kids and being child free.
There’s an entire subreddit for people in mono-poly relationships and it’s sad as shit.