i have known my boyfriend for a year and a half now. for the first year of knowing him (the first person ive ever been with in anyway) we had issues where i was very desperate to have sex and loose my virginity etc but he struggled to open himself up sexually to me and even at times made it clear he wasnt much sexually into me, we live with other and knowing my boyfriend who i slept in bed with every night wasnt sexually into me was deeply emotionally taxing.
because of this for a month i said we should take a break and in that time i started to loose sexual interest in him. when i tried to breakup the process lasted another month and was deeply emotional and dramatic since we still love each other a deeply.
He confessed his “lack of attraction to me” was due to very personal issues and that they wernt true at all. now that we are back together things are better then ever and we are more honest and open with each other then before, however one thing is off, i dont want to have sex with him. now that he’s more open he really wants to have sex and do things but i have such little to no interest in doing anything like that with him. he says he’ll take things at my speed but i cant help feeling incredibly guilty,
its almost a complete role reversal and i know how that other side feels like. i don’t know what to do. i love him more then i’ve ever loved anyone ever but i worry with all thats happened i cant get that sexual desire back.
TL:DR, after a separation where i was lead to belive my bf wasnt sexually into me, we are back together and he clearly is, but for some reason i have no interest in sex
4 comments
This is a common problem, if you have to squash your sexual interest in someone, it can get permanently squashed. Of course, it might come back. But there is no guarantee. What you should do is be honest, don’t feel guilty, and give yourself a little time. Focus on romance without sex. Focus on having a good time together. If interest reignites, great. If it doesn’t, you may need to end this relationship and both of you take it as a learning experience. But hopefully, you two can keep it amicable either way.
Why did YOU get back together with him?
To me breaks and separations never work. You lose that initial spark and never get enough time to change and think through things.
Maybe your unconsciously bitter?
Our mental states do have an impact on our sexual drive. First it was him, then it was you. Hopefully you both can work on it together x