I’m in college and in a relationship with someone who lives in a different city than me. We love each other a lot but we’re very busy trying to make the most out of our education and get solid careers so we can only make time to see each other once a week/biweekly.
What saddens me is that in 2 weeks the semester will end and we will have to go to our hometowns that are very far from each other and we won’t be able to physically see each other until we move in on/near campus next semester. I love this person so much and we’re both very optimistic about the future but going through this is killing me.
On the other hand, my friend, who I’m always around, has someone, who they constantly see/ facetime every day and has always received kind gestures from them everyday. It also doesn’t really help that they always text or talk about them and what they do 24/7. This friend of mine has gone through a lot of painful experiences regarding relationships and anything sorta similar so I know they’re just finally extremely happy and I want to be extremely happy too cuz they finally have someone with good intentions.
Despite both our circumstances I will admit I have always been a jealous person in general. Specifically jealous towards people with the same gender. I think this will be a good topic to bring up to my therapist when I see them but other than the burden of being a jealous person I just want to be more happy cuz I’m friends with good people who are accomplishing great things and that’s something that should be admirable not a threat.
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It’s hard to do, but I try to think of it like this. Say you squat 225 for the first time, and you feel amazing. Then you see a guy next to you squatting 315, and you’re like “I’m weak as shit”. This is you comparing yourself to someone with no context to your OR their life.
Now imagine the same scenario, except you got in a car accident a year ago and could barely walk for a few months. Or you have young kids and don’t get enough sleep to recover. Or you have really long legs, so squatting will never be as easy for you. Considering those things, squatting 225 is fucking amazing! Why should you feel bad if you’re squatting less than someone who wasn’t in a car accident?
Or what if they were ALSO in an accident, and have kids, and long legs, but they had better doctors; or they can afford a personal trainer, or their life allows more time in the gym, or their high school growing up had a weightlifting gym?
Every person has such a mix of advantages and disadvantages, obstacles and opportunities, experiences and motivations, that when you break them all down, the only person in that category is you. You are LITERALLY the ONLY person against whom it is fair to compare yourself.
As long as you’re improving, you are beating the only person against which you can truly compete. Yourself. So find which ways you wish you could be better, and work on them. No-one else matters.