I (26F) and my husband (28M) are spending a few months apart in different cities so I can a career program.
We discussed it at length late last year and he was very supportive and agreed that it would be good for me, so I took the leap.
I left in late February and have been gone only for a couple weeks at this point but I won’t be back home until mid May.
We have plans to meet next weekend and will plan again for another time but it’s a 7 hour drive and a very very expensive flight so it doesn’t make it easy for a weekend trip.
It wasn’t until after the first week that I noticed how emotional he has become and this surprised be because he’s probably the least emotional person I’ve ever met.
He said he’s feeling very lonely and starting to feel depressed and frustrated and while I’m grateful that he’s expressed all these things to me, now I feel very guilty and I don’t know how to help him.
We cannot afford therapy because I’m not working, nor do i have a car and all the money I saved is for my share of the bills to be covered in my absence.
I honestly didn’t even consider that this could happen, that’s how much he does NOT show emotion…
He said he’s not blaming me or trying to make me feel guilty, yet I still do.
Does anyone have any advice for what I could do from so far away?l
4 comments
What is a career program?
You can’t help him. He has got figure this out himself.
My husband and I lived 600miles a part through our dating and almost a year and half into our marriage. He was drive to visit me 2-3 weekends a month if he wasn’t out on a boat(Navy) At about 10 years in, we lived on opposite sides of the country, going months without seeing each other.
The key for me, was keeping busy. He needs hobbies, friends, projects.
FaceTime often and have a virtual date. Send him a care package with some inexpensive items. Mail him a love letter. Talk with him and validate it’s okay to be sad, but remind him that you are doing this to better both of your lives. Just give him reassurance.
We’ve done the long distance relocation a couple times and also I had a job that sent me literally around the world. What helped us was our iPads and Facetime. We set it up regularly–almost daily–and just chatter as we go about our day together. Sometimes she might be cleaning up from dinner while I was getting dressed in the morning. Those video calls helped a lot, and I’m sure you both at least have phones.
And right now she’s 1400 miles away taking care of her mom who has cancer. She pinged me Sunday afternoon and said, “Hey, wanna have happy hour together?” I said sure and we fired up Facetime again, talked about what’s going on here and there, things we’d done, etc. It really helps.
Edit: also check in over in /r/LongDistance/