A few days ago I go to this party and through sheer bad luck we bump into a former fling my partner had.

This dude is the biggest, strongest, toughest looking motherfucker that I’ve ever seen. It’s insane. I am a very normal looking guy with a medium personality and I’m happy with myself but seeing that she was into this like army gym rat who was the life of the party really threw me for a loop.

I need help. Any advice you’ve got would be appreciated.

46 comments

  2. Take a deep breath, realize that she chose you over that loser (or losers), move on.

    It’s a purely mental problem with a purely mental solution. Takes practice, but seriously- you got the girl. You win.

  3. This is a useful lesson. Many partners want exactly that body type but take the relationship they can get.

  4. That dude might be the biggest, toughest looking mf you’ve ever seen and he might be the life of the party, but she found something in you that she didn’t find in that guy, that’s why she’s with you now and not with him, you’ve already won bro.

  5. Just remember: she’s not yours, it’s just your turn.

    You don’t need to be jealous that other men had their turn, when you’re getting one too. Clearly it didn’t work out with this last guy, otherwise it wouldn’t be your turn now. But the fact it’s your turn means she’s trying it out with you. It may work, or it may not. But, if your turn ends, you can take comfort in you had your turn with her, now she’s moving onto someone else who gets a turn.

  6. This is pretty normal man. We all have moments of self doubt and feeling insecure. Remind yourself that she chose you and allow the feelings of not being good enough to pass, which they will eventually. Do your best not to obsess on it because it’s something you cannot control.

  7. You don’t. Remember she chose to be with you. Pack up your insecurities and just be yourself. Otherwise you’re trying to bed someone she chose not to be with.

  9. Simple fact is, if she wanted that guy over you, she’d have that guy over you. She doesn’t.

  10. He just another guy. He may be the life of the party, but you don’t know who he is behind closed doors.

  11. Either you do or don’t. Can’t force or trick yourself.

    I can see this ending relationships for some men. More so if it’s a past hookup.

  12. It’s in the past. As in immutable. Nothing I can do has any effect on it. So I have exactly zero jealousy about it.

  16. ….yeah. it’s mental and ingrained in our genes, kind of like when you are drowning or get mad cause someone snicked upon you. You can get some training to fight this and get it under control. A psychologist can help you out.

    This is why you don’t sleep around ladies 😂

  17. Jealousy is what you’re left with when you subtract who you are from who you wish you were.

    You may be happy with who you are, but don’t shy away from putting on some muscle and being a little more extroverted if that’s the sort of person you’d like to be. You don’t need to turn yourself into a cyborg party animal, but there’s nothing wrong with moving the needle.

  18. I felt the opposite feeling when I SAW MY current girklfriends exes are just a step below caveman looks and personailty wise. I kind of think I am on their level. Better that she want out with a clooney rather then a looney.

  19. Positive spin on this. He is much desired by other women. More likely that he isn’t going after yours.

  20. Just know that she chose you and before that she was all over that strong masculine dude who was definitely railing her on the regular

  22. If she doesn’t have a big body count, then maybe it’s just a case of bad luck. But I’m not a big believer in coincidences. If you’re running into the men that your woman has been with before she might be a 304.

    A lot of guys lie to them selves that they don’t care about a girls past, but a girls past absolutely does matter as much as they try to pretend it doesn’t. They want their cake and eat it too, and they don’t wanna be judged on going through their “hoe phase.“ But actions have consequences.

    The fact is many women start having sex at or before the age of 16, and even if they only have one guy a year they are into a double digit body count by their mid-20s. Some of them get into triple digit body counts if you live in a particularly permissive environment like Southern California.

    Why does your body count matter? No woman falls in love 50 times. That means she is being casual with sex, and letting men use her casually. Men who were not worthy. She did not have standards, she had flings. That’s not only concerning for STDs, but indicative of emotional damage and more baggage than you may have expected.

    Those are women that will cheat on you, leave you, have lost the ability to pair bond, and are highly likely for a divorce. They cannot be happy in life, they will move on to other men and never be happy with one.

    So back to the OP question, it’s more than just getting over one former partner. The real question is, is this a pattern? Does she have a big body count? Are you going to have to move to another city to avoid a repeat? Is it worth it?

    It’s why so many men are seeking out traditional women with low body count. Those women have respect for their body and they do not sleep with unworthy men. Not even for a drunken college party.

  23. best advice….. fuck her silly no matter who else she fucked….. if she crosses boundaries of yours and doesnt add value to your life… leave her

  25. People are going to say she’s with you now or she chose you, but the dude could have ended things with her. People saying that didn’t help me with my jealousy. I just tried to avoid thinking about it.

  26. Take her home. Rip her clothes off. Give her the best 30 seconds of her life. But imagine you were him doing it.

  27. My brother I used to fight this as well. What helped me overcome it is that things change and people can change.

    Example – I used to go after specific types of girls that I thought I wanted. After years of getting myself messed up mentally and emotionally I moved on to more grounded and emotionally secure women. It’s been a game changer for me and I wouldn’t go back.

    My current girl was with some fucking clown before me and it bothered me a lot but understanding that she moved on from him and grew into being with someone like me makes me feel better.

  28. Maybe you shouldn’t and instead listen to your gut feeling a bit longer and more retrospectively before dismissing it.

  29. Does she treat you like a place holder? If so, then leave.

    If not, then she chose you over him and be happy.

  30. Yet she chose you, so she thinks your normal, medium self is better than this meat bus.

    There you go. Now go fuck your gf’s brains out.

  31. Don’t ask about them. I’m not the person I was when I was with them, he’s not the person he was when he was with them. Not even in a bad or “toxic” way. Are you who you were ten years ago?

    No good can come from asking questions about someone’s past relationships. How does your partner treat you NOW?

    They’re with you because they want to be with you. Getting jealous about something they cannot change, that happened before they even knew you, is honestly? Kind of pathetic, sorry. And is the quickest path from “want to be with you” to “do not want to be with you”.

  32. Her experiences before you, led to her choosing to be with you. Further, they shaped her into the person she is, that you decided you want to be with. It is easy to get lost in past details and let them nag at your insecurities, but the reality is they are in the past, and led you both to the spot you are now (which is hopefully a really good one).

  33. Once I got a date with a girl and I explained her I have fear of heights… not that I crawl or something but I get the tingles when I am up high. She said that is normal, I just know it is dangerous. She had an ex boyfriend who when they were visiting some tower was pinching her sweater all the time, while shaking, and uncontrollable sweating from the forehead and the armpits throughout the visits of the higher places. The guy was 2 meters, a jacked massive dude.

    So whenever I see a guy I should be intimidated by, I always think about this story… you never know how insecure or afraid these guys can be in simple situations you have no problem with. They are NOT above you, NOT better than you. They also are exes for a reason (a reason you might want to figure out). Never show insecurity, show indifference, maybe show a cocky friendliness if you can pull it off. After all you have her now. Enjoy.

  34. You can’t. If you are bothered by it you will be bothered by it. Just remember that she’s yours now.

  35. Idk, I was never jealous of my wife’s past partners to begin with. I’m pretty average as well, but she dated some handsome dudes between 18-21. One was even an MMA wrestler. I also know she was sexually intimate with 3 of her ex’s before me. I only know of the one she lost her v-card to. I’ve wondered before who the other 2 were (I know 3 or 4 of her ex’s) but at the end of the day it really doesn’t matter.

    We’ve been together for 8 years and married for 4. If she wasn’t happy with me I’m sure I would’ve known by now.

  36. For two equally attractive people the man has a harder time. However, the man can always become more attractive through money or status. The woman is stuck with her looks and personality.

  37. A) You shouldn’t talk about your past hookups
    B) SHES WITH YOU BE CONFIDENT IN THAT

  38. This is going to sound weird but hear me out.

    I’m a professional bodybuilder, good salary, got a PhD, 6ft of height, decent facial features, former national level athlete (blah blah blah blah blah everything that she could ask for yada yada yada).

    Was in a similar situation to you where I came across this guy she was interested in. Guy is like a buck 20lbs max, got even less muscle on him than she does. I bet she’d be able to beat him in a fist fight any day of the week. He’s a middle school drop out. Alcoholic. Drug addict. Surviving doing the shadiest of shit.

    Now, on face value you’d think that he’d be jealous of me. Yes? Based on the logic of your own experience? But here’s the thing. I was sitting there watching the ease with which he made conversation with everyone. The confidence and charisma he had despite his shitty life and health conditions. The way the guy managed to dance to any music with any person, man or woman, young or old. And in my head I’m going,”Damn I wish I wasn’t so awkward at parties. I wish I could dance. My girlfriend is probably feeling so bored that the two of us are the only ones not enjoying the music because I can’t dance to save my life”. My girlfriend is also an incredibly talented and trained dancer so she pretty much opted not to dance because it’d be like making a mockery of me if I was caught between her and the other guy. And that didn’t really make me feel any better either. I was fucked in the head either way.

    See what I’m getting at? We’re all going to find some way or the other to feel jealous, insecure, inferior etc. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are better and we are worse. It just means there is diversity in humans and we’re always going to look at our own worst traits and wish we had what someone else has because we’re unaware of whatever may be going wrong in their life and that they may very well be feeling jealousy towards us in return.

  39. Why would you be jealous of their past relationships? They are with you, that is all the matters.

  41. She didn’t leave him, he left her.

    She was punching above her weight, and she knows it

    You’re a better match

  42. He could be a complete dick. He could be bad in bed. Have an attitude or be boring. He may be stupid.

    If you don’t know why they broke up, then trust that they broke up for a reason. She wants to be with you, or she wouldn’t.

    Give yourself some credit.

  43. I once went to a party with an ex and was meeting some of her friends.

    These guys were all objectively much better looking than I am, and were just all around great guys.

    As we were going home she proceeded to tell me she dated a couple of them and one of the ones she didn’t date had a huge hammer (not something I can say about myself).

    I could not understand why/how she was with me when she could have that… then we had sex and all my worries went away because for whatever reason, the sex was with me and not them and who am I to judge.

  45. My late husband left me for the ex I always thought he wished I was. Of course he waited over a decade and a bunch of kids later. And then proved my suspicion right.

    There’s distrust but there’s also gut instinct.

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