I M (24) have been with my fiancée F (24) for around 6 years,when we first met her sex drive was very high, we now have 2 children together since having our first her sex drive has been very low (apart from when we were trying for our second). Previously we would have sex at least once a week, some times it would be a lot more sometimes we would go months without doing it at all, however for the last year or so it’s been a lot less, probably once every 2 or 3 months (even those were on “special occasions” birthdays anniversary valentines etc). Im at the point where I don’t want to attempt to initiate because it makes me feel unwanted/unloved when I get rejected. Does anyone have any advice on what to do? Should I ignore my sex drive and wait for her? Should we figure out ways to increase her drive?
5 comments
It may be time for marital counseling. Sorry you are having to go through this.
Have you tried talking to her?
You don’t say whether she’s working, going to school, a sahm, the ages of the children, whether she’s been diagnosed with PPD, if she’s on hormonal birth control, or what the division of child care and household labor is. All of those things are very relevant. If she’s exhausted, depressed, feels neglected, etc, those things have a huge impact on sex drive. So can various medications.
My friend had the same situation. She didn’t want anything at all ((She has two children, she is constantly busy with them, a house, food. The husband only works, comes home, eats and lies down on the sofa…
And she talked to him, they sorted out some responsibilities, it became easier for May, she had more time for herself! And when a girl is engaged in herself, she wants to be sexy, wants to be loved and at these moments she does not want to wait, she provokes him to have sex.
Give her some extra affection outside the bedroom touch her, kiss her neck, give her compliments and do more things around the house to make her feel relaxed and not as overwhelmed. When you have been doing all of these things you can observe her reaction and later try to initiate. When/if that fails talk to her in a sweet manner and bring it up something like
” Baby I’ve noticed that our intimacy has gone down a lot. I know that things change when you have children and I see the work you put into our family every day and I love you for how well you take care of us. I would just love to feel closer to you and I wish we could regain our sexlife. Is there anything that you feel like I could do more or better that would make you want it more inaide or outside the bedroom?”
Let her tell you what she feels she needs more and just take it in and don’t get defensive, welcome all of her opinions and feelings and work hard to fix or implement them in your daily life.
If she says there is nothing and she just doesn’t have the urge as much and she is struggling to “get it up” you can look into her hormones, mental health, medication and other things, maybe ask a doctor. Do this together, be a team working to the same goal.
I could also recommend 2 vitamins to boost her sexdrive hormonally like fenugreek and maca, tske two of both twice a day.
I hope all goes well for you, I’m sure she loves you and wants you both to be happy and sexually satisfied, it’s just a problem finding the way to get there.