I’ve been dating this girl for a bit over a month. The first month she spent chasing me and would consult her friend on why I’m not texting her or why I am distant. I was busy and unsure about this girl because I didn’t really know her yet although she’s very physically attractive. Eventually we started seeing each other and we began to date after realizing we had great chemistry and so much in common. Recently she hasn’t been wanting to come over, hasn’t been picking up phone calls, hasn’t been affectionate through text and no longer tells me good morning or good night. Whenever we hang out it’s obviously clear she is infatuated with me. She even proposed the idea of being exclusive and wants to be long term. I was even planning to ask her to be my girlfriend this weekend.
One night she texts me telling me that she’s crying and is emotional. I call and text her multiple times because I was concerned. She says she just wants to be left alone because she’s going through a lot. I get a bit frustrated and sent her some needy texts because I was upset with how she’s been with me lately. She apologizes and says she just needs space. The next day she texts me good morning but doesn’t call me “babe” like she always does. We text and she acts like nothing happened, I just decided to focus on school to get my mind off of it. She texted me saying why I never replied back the next day.
I’m just really confused because she seems distant, but still texts me, still asks me how I’m doing and even asked why I didn’t reply even though she said she was the one who needed space. I’d like to add that she works 6-7 days a week and has told me she’s constantly tired, but when we first started dating, she was never too tired to come over or come out for drinks. She hasn’t responded to my text last night and ignored my phone call this morning. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I’m losing my dignity and self respect for being needy and clingy. I actually just want to stop all contact completely to be honest because I feel a bit disgusted with myself.
TL;DR GIrl was obsessed with me for a month. She becomes distant after needing some space, stops answering my calls, stops wanting to come over. She’ll still text me here and there, but the affection is gone. Was she testing my clinginess/neediness? Is she setting this up for it to end?
3 comments
>Recently she hasn’t been wanting to come over, hasn’t been picking up phone calls, hasn’t been affectionate through text and no longer tells me good morning or good night. Whenever we hang out it’s obviously clear she is infatuated with me. She even proposed the idea of being exclusive and wants to be long term. I was even planning to ask her to be my girlfriend this weekend.
The timeline isn’t 100 percent clear here. For instance, if she started acting distant, then asked you to be exclusive, I wouldn’t be jumping into any sort of relationship AT ALL until that behavior resolved. HOWEVER, if she asked you to be exclusive, and you didn’t give an immediate answer (which is within your right), that might start to explain some of her distant behavior.
>One night she texts me telling me that she’s crying and is emotional. I call and text her multiple times because I was concerned.
Multiple times isn’t necessary. I’ve been in a relationship almost 9 months and I can count on one hand how many times I’ve double texted. Given the context, I might’ve just called her. If she picked up, cool. If not, it’s back to giving her space and living my life. No chasing required.
> The next day she texts me good morning but doesn’t call me “babe” like she always does. We text and she acts like nothing happened, I just decided to focus on school to get my mind off of it. She texted me saying why I never replied back the next day.
I get it, dude. But you have to get used to the ebbs and flows or relationships and the ebbs and flows of women. When times are good, you get whisked away by the pet nicknames and the good feelings. But then it gets stripped away and you get in your head. The only solution is to get a handle on your need for validation on both sides. Nowadays, I certainly enjoy the good times but I never get too high, nor too low. At the end, that just sounds like game playing and I would respond to it with silence. Choosing what you pay attention to, and what you ignore is your great power as a dude.
>She hasn’t responded to my text last night and ignored my phone call this morning.
See above. When she didn’t respond to my simple text, I wouldn’t then double down with a phone call.
Anyway, sounds like her interest is waning here. Could even be another guy that is slowly emerging into her life. But some of your behavior here didn’t do you any favors.
If she’s pulling back, it’s over. Let her go. Move on.
It’s over. I find that men are more likely to end things abruptly and women go through a period of grief where they have to reflect and decide how they feel before they decide to end things. Women can end a relationship for multiple reason even factors that may have nothing to do with you directly. Its rare but sometimes women can decide they were overreacting after an existential crisis, but I would be careful though. Women during grieving do a lot of crazy things, mostly stuff they really couldn’t do or would seem weird in the context of a committed relationship like cheating for example. Sometimes the existential crisis is her having feeling for another person. You don’t want to jump to conclusion though maybe she just found out she had cancer or something. Regardless the end result of a break up is almost inevitable.