I assume this is like some kind of a spectrum. On the far left, we have “acquaintances”-type conversation topics, like the weather, the traffic, the news, etc., – very non personal topics.
But then when we go to the far right, we have “extremely friendly” topics, topics that you only talk about with your best friends (I assume), such as your hopes and dreams, your dark secretes, etc.
At least this is how I always imagined it.
But what are the topics in the middle? I guess talking about your favorite sports would be somewhere in the middle, but how do you steadily, over time, progress from left to right? What type of topics do you talk about and in what order? What are your best tips?
2 comments
In my experience, asking good questions and actively listening has helped me develop deeper connections with people.
Open ended questions about a person’s childhood can be good ones. “Where did you grow up? What was that like? Who were your favorite friends back then?”
Most of us like sharing our stories and feel a connection to those interested enough to ask. 😁
There is actual scholarly research into this topic (one example: [https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0265407518761225](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0265407518761225) ), and it is a pretty interesting one.
In very general terms, it is a combination of word count, and depth of personal information shared.
I find it goes something like:
Super small talk about weather and traffic
Talk about jobs or pets.
Complaints about jobs
Talking about family or relationships in light terms (my boyfriend is such a slob, my kids drive me crazy).
Sharing an emotionally painful topic, like relationship problems or disease.
That murder you committed in the Hamptons they never caught you for.
———-
With a certain number of hours/words spent talking to that person on each level.