Everyone I know and meet always seems to have no respect for me? For some reason I’ve found myself in a position where everyone and I’m not kidding EVERYONE I know seems to be completely **comfortable** making me the butt end of every joke (my mom, my brothers, my sisters, my friends, coworkers, etc.) I’m the guy in the family/group who gets squashed with jokes, free to pick on and they don’t care if what they say actually hurts.
All my life, I’ve tried my best to stay in my lane, I hate arguing with people, I hate hurting people, but I love seeing people laugh it’s like my favourite thing in the world, I just want everyone to have a good time. I have the ability to laugh at myself and I almost always fire back with jokes but why is everyone shooting me with the jokes 90% of the time? Why are people okay with saying mean things that are too far… to me… without worrying how I will react or think about them after?
For example; today I heard “nobody likes you.” from someone I admire and they just chuckled and I was caught off guard.. sure you can say **its just a joke** but correct me if I’m wrong, that’s pretty mean right? and they didn’t say anything to heal it after or worry if they were too harsh they just moved on with the day and if it was me who said that if I ever did, immediately after I’d follow up with “just jokes, I love you bro” or “nah everyone loves you” and laugh or something atleast.
I want it to change and I have a feeling it has something to do with the way I represent myself and I’m just oblivious to what it is… can’t live like this anymore it makes me feel unmotivated, unappreciated, and stressed out. OR am I overthinking it and should I just ignore it?
7 comments
It could have something to do with how you carry yourself in front of others? Do you unconsciously do things in public that would be considered abnormal?
Hey. No you’re not. But it might mean that you need to start standing up for yourself. It’s super hard to do that, but think of it this way – you’re putting a boundary in to keep yourself safe, which you would feel is perfectly reasonable for anyone else to do. People, which is totally unfair and not very kind, view weak boundaries as a reason to not respect a person and will feel content walking all over you (I’ve been on the receiving end of it).
Ditch being hyperanalytical too, as much as you can. You can’t please everyone all the time. If you’re kind to others and do what you feel is right, then leave it to others to call out their problems with you rather than apologising for breathing.
Sounds to me like you don’t stand up for yourself. I’m not saying you need to become an argumentative asshole, but it’s good to set boundaries when you feel like someone is mistreating you.
Can you lay down some context around why someone said “nobody likes you”?
What was the conversation leading up to it? Was it actually out of nowhere? I’m just curious. I might be able to offer some perspective if I have a little more context.
First, nothing is wrong with you. Second, like a couple of the other commenters mentioned here – setting boundaries might change your life. I was well into adulthood before I realized that boundary setting was something I could and should be doing to have healthy relationships. You can say something like, “Hey, I really value our friendship or I love you, you’re a great family member, I know that this is in good fun, but can we start making jokes about other things instead of me? It’s making me uncomfortable and there’s lots of other funny things out there to talk about.”
Obviously, put your own spin on it, but hopefully you get the gist of it. You’re saying – ‘I care about you, this is making me uncomfortable, please stop, but don’t worry I’m not leaving.’ It might take a little while for people to adjust to this if it’s been going on a long time, but the key thing is that they are making an effort. If they’re not making an effort and you have to repeatedly remind them that this is something you’re not comfortable with, those people aren’t making your comfort a priority and you might want to re-evaluate your relationship with them.
One day you’re going to snap if you don’t set boundaries. Start giving it back or verbalize that you don’t enjoy being treated like that. If these people don’t take the hint, move on.
No. I think you sound like a kind person that hasn’t set boundries. I think people pick on you because they know you’ll be forgiving in response. I would set some strong boundries with family & friends. And honestly I’d get new friends if they don’t treat you better. 100% call them all out on this BS.