Earlier I asked my (19f) bf (19m) of about 1.5y if he had any sexual fantasies because I saw something saying that all men have a secret one lmao, well he said he’d basically like a submissive girl.
Without going into detail on the whole convo he basically said I have “too much masculine energy”.
I wasn’t sure what he meant by this as I thought I was quite feminine and he said he wasn’t trying to insult me but it defo felt that way😂
From what he said he meant basically wanting to be a leader not a follower and stuff like talking too loud. He also said that talking too loud is “obnoxious”. I researched the whole masculine feminine energy thing and while I think it would be good for me to talk quieter etc (now that I know it apparently pisses everyone off) I feel that to be what he wants I would have to literally change my whole life and personality.
Goes without saying I’m quite confident and outspoken when taking part in anything I am usually the leader. I just feel so hurt because I feel like he has a problem with literally everything that makes me *me*. I wear make up and jewellery etc. so I thought that made me feminine but apparently I need to change my personality too? I always thought I have this sick lil personality and that he loves me for it but now I’m finding out that everyone hates it and idk what to do. Can someone help me please
14 comments
This man reeks of misogyny red flags
What do you mean everyone hates your personality? It sounds like one guy with unhealthy expectations to me.
Nothing wrong with a fetish – but leave that in the bedroom. Hes an idiot for implying that he doesn’t appreciate your everyday personality.
He definitely is not versed in how to talk without hurting others feelings and using stereotypes.
However, if I had to save his ass, I’d say that it’s not that he doesn’t like your personality but that your personality doesn’t match with the fantasy of being submissive.
Please don’t read too much more. Talk to him about understanding why what he said was hurtful, but don’t think you have to change your personality one iota.
Who else told you they hate it?
You are understandably hurt. Fuck him for saying that shit. All of these things are He problems not problems with you or your expression of your femininity.
Femininity is more than just fashion. You need to have a set of attributes and behavior behind it.
The books of Helen Andelin, Little Women by Louisa M Alcott, Who Will Cry When You Die – R. Sharma, and Fiona Ferris’s books
Mrs.Midwest femininity series on youtube, Jasmyne Theodora
Might help with your research.
Not sure what to recommend for your bf BDSM fantasy, he should do his homework.
He’s threatened by you. You sound fun to me! He sounds a little insecure. Ehhhhh not my type.
So you asked for sexual fantasies and he told you to change how you act in every day life? Like outside of sexual interactions?
Nah that’s not cool. Sexual fantasies are just that, but he’s trying to use it to change you OUTSIDE of your sexual interactions. Not ok.
And that’s before we even get to his warped sense of masculinity. Does he think dominatrices are masculine? Cuz I think there’s plenty put there that would beg to differ with him! He could have stated his preferences in bed without attacking you. So for that I call NEXT! And I’d suggest doing it while holding a whip.
He doesn’t like that you’re not a doormat, and he wants someone he can dominate. That’s fine if that’s a shared kink, but not when it isn’t.
Also, he’s sexist. “Masculine energy?” What he hates in you is what he wants for himself. That’s not your fault, it’s his problem.
Kid, take it from someone older; you will spend too much time trying to please this guy, at the expense of everything that makes you happy, and he will still leave you because you’ll never be the ideal person he wants in his head. Just be yourself. Don’t let him silence you and your valuable, unique voice.
He wants you to make yourself smaller so he feels bigger. Don’t change who you are to try and keep a man who cannot accept you as the person you are. You’re just not compatible. Move on.
It’s really telling that he views outgoingness as a “masculine” trait. It sounds like he wants a meek, subservient woman who doesn’t have thoughts or opinions of her own. Not really a cute look for him.
Dude actually told you you need to shine less so he can pretend he shines at all.
ARGH! NOOooooooooooooo!!!!
Just because one insecure smegma-factory says he doesn’t like your personality (he does, by the way; *he’s been dating you for a year and a half*) doesn’t mean anyone else feels that way.
JESUS, WHAT A DOUCHEBAG!
OP, do you remember in grade/middle school, when the mean girl told you you’d be so pretty if you just lost some weight, or else just straight up told you you were fat? Yes? And now you know that it wasn’t because you actually were fat, but because it gave her power over you to be able to make you feel bad about yourself? Remember that?
THIS IS WHAT YOUR PRICK OF A SOON-TO-BE-EX BF JUST DID TO YOU. Yes, and you fell for it. He negged you, is what he did. Why? because you’re too masculine? No, it’s BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO AWESOME. Literally. You’re awesomer than he is and it made him feel insecure, so he tried to cut you down to his size.
YOU DO HAVE A SICK LIL PERSONALITY!!! Go lean in on that and block this donkey sac everywhere. HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR QUEENLY ASS.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
I love women who are vocal and not afraid to voice their opinion. Sounds like you know who you are and what the fuck you’re about, which is dope. He might not be able to handle that or believes that women should take the backseat when you’re with the “man”.
I’m not a fan of actual loud people, aka the actual volume, but as someone who is engaged to a vocal, independent, strong woman, I say fuckin hell yeah to you.
In the words of Spike Spiegel, “I love a woman who can kick my ass.”