Let me start from the beginning here. Yesterday I met my fiancée at our wedding venue for our 4 month out meeting to finalize details. We drove to the venue separately because she was leaving straight from work. Towards the end of the meeting she let me know her friend was dropping off her rental car and needed a ride home and asked if it would be ok. I said yes thinking nothing of it as it wasn’t that far from our home and I know her friend well. I get home and tried to get in touch w her for the next 3 hours. No answer. At approx the 1:30 mark I texted her friend and asked if she had made it to her ok. I was very worried. My fiancée ends up coming home and says sorry it took longer than expected she hung out with her friend for a bit before leaving. Ok no biggie just lmk next time please. Her friend gets back to me a few minutes later and says “sorry I couldn’t make it to the venue didn’t see your fiancée tonight.” I asked her why she would say this and she said she didn’t know she can’t control what her friend says and walked outside. I’m sketched out af by this point. I have never done this but I looked at her phone records (yes I did and don’t regret it). I saw that when she went outside she called her friend that had texted me right after she went outside. I also saw an hour long call with a number I didn’t know on the way to the venue. I asked her what rental place they went to and multiple other questions. She had quick answers and they seemed legit. I thought maybe I’m crazy here I need to chill and sleep on it. This morning I asked her to please see the text from her friend asking her to pick her up and I would apologize for questioning her the previous night. She said no. I said when I caught up to you yesterday on the way to the venue I saw you were on the phone who was that? She said oh that’s the friend I picked up later on. That’s when I knew for a fact she was lying. I said I looked at her phone records and knew that wasn’t true. She then changed her story to say oh I needed to meet up w a coworker to discuss a patient. Who is the coworker and why couldn’t you discuss that over the phone? I need to show him the techniques in person his name is Michael. Ok I am sketched out beyond belief at this point we never lie to each other. I asked to see the texts with Michael. She said wouldn’t let me see. I said why not if there’s nothing to hide. Are you having an affair? Do you not want to be together anymore? She pauses and proceeds to tell me all the things that are wrong with me. I work too much I don’t spend enough time w her don’t listen. I’m astonished at this point all of this is news to me. I put two and two together at this point I know something sketchy is going on. I again ask to see the texts. It took about a half hour of convincing to see these texts and they were crazy. Sexual in nature and talking a lot of shit about me. Also how she wanted to be with him and how they’re essentially in love. She started this job 1.5 months ago (he is her coworker). He is also 15-20 years older and divorced w multiple kids. I have been financially supporting her for the last few months as she got back on her feet and was working extra so she wouldn’t have to pick up a part time job. We own a house which we both live in with 3 dogs and a horse. Sorry for the novel I am beside myself right now. I did not see this coming and we were going to get married in 4 months. Any advice would help.
20 comments
Jesus, I’m so sorry. Small consolation I know, but better now than after the wedding. Better now than after potentially starting a family.
Call all the vendors for the wedding and see how much money you can get back. Then since you have a house together talk to an attorney about how to go about separating everything.
Stop paying for her.
Absolutely do not marry her.
Tell the other guy’s wife.
Standard cheater victim-blaming. Don’t let her pin this on you, OP. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Cancel all vendors, notify invited guests, lock down your credit, or shared finances.
Are you sure AP is divorced? He may be lying to your STBX, or she may be lying to you. Either way, it sounds like she cheated down and screwed up royally.
It sucks, but it’s better to know now than 10 years down the road. I’m sorry you got blindsided like this, and I hope it gets better soon.
Wow! So sorry, I’m glad you didn’t let her manipulate you!
What a witch. But thank the gods you found out now before you got married. I’m sorry.
You caught this in time. Do not marry her. See an attorney for guidance.
Yeah do not marry this woman. Surely this isn’t still a consideration is it?
Her attitude about being caught tells you everything you need to know. Blaming you for her shitty behavior shows that she has no character and would make an awful partner.
Cancel the wedding and start untangling finances!
I’m sorry man, this shouldn’t happen to anyone. If you need anyone to talk to, I highly suggest you talk to your friends and/or family. A therapist may also be able to help. Keep your head up, don’t let this drag you down
First of all, implement the 180 and gray rock method.
The financial support for her should stop immediately.
You will need a lawyer to deal with the house and ask them how you can legally leverage the HR angle in your negotiations.
She has shown her true colors and is acting horrible. That relationship will crash and burn, and she will then start begging to come back.
Sending strength!
Damm totally sucks bro! Condolences on the death of that relationship. But in hindsight you finding out about this work office affair, was a blessing you dodged bullet. Imagine if this happened after the wedding. Cut your losses and never speak to her again; even when the AP tires of her which he most likely will and she tries to get back to you don’t. Don’t be her fall back guy, move forward with your life. Don’t be the dummy that takes her back and you back on Reddit talking bout I reconciled and she cheated again. Be better! Good luck ✌🏾
Everyone is giving good advice good luck. Also notify the HR department of her job that she and a cowor are dating. Torpedo her career
Just be happy you found out now before the marriage. She has no regrets. Time to say goodbye and let him take care of her. Just remember that relationships that start with cheating usually end with cheating. Her karma is coming
Obviously this is an incredibly difficult experience to go through man. My heart goes out to you.
However, you’ve got some good karma behind you to find out that the woman you were a breath away from committing to is a lying cheater. You found out before making it official, and one day (not anytime soon obviously), you’re going to look back and think of how lucky you were to find out when you did.
Get your financials in order and never talk to her again. She’s a scumbag and your life will be better with her out of it.
Is she on the lease or mortgage? If not give her 30 days and she gotta go! If your not on lease or mortgage then you got 30 days to go, and I’d do it much faster. Depending on receipts when it comes to the dogs, I’d take them and fuck her opinion on it. Don’t be remorseful, she didn’t care how you would feel about all of this. She was gonna marry you and live a life full of lies with you. She doesn’t care, so don’t give her any type of pity my guy. In the end, being a ass will help you build the confidence to move the fuck on.
You better get a lawyer to figure out the house situation; maybe you can buy her out.
Cancel the wedding.
There’s nothing to fix here. If she is not happy for whatever reason, she shouldn’t be cheating, lying, and going ahead with the wedding like nothing was wrong. You cannot trust her.
Sooo i know youre a mess but basically she has floated on your dime for however long then had the gaul to bitch about you and fuck another dude? Or at least talknabout it.
Pack her shit. Leave it outside. She can go live with lover boy and you can save yourself some money.
Put all her stuff in storage, block her number and call it good…..