I’ve (25f) been with my bf (21) for 6 months and when we first started talking he told me he was a bit of a fuckboy when he was a teenager and tbf i didn’t really care but today he told me he lost his virginity at 13 and it made me feel so weird. Like that’s so young?! You’re basically still a child. I think because we’re very different in that regard (he lost it young and has been with a lot of people whereas I waited until I was 23 and he’s only the second person I’ve been with. I know I shouldn’t judge him on things that happened in the past but I can’t help feeling so uncomfortable and idk why. I guess because he doesn’t regard sex as much of a special thing as I do maybe? Idk can anyone give me advice on how to ignore this because I wish he never told me and I don’t want it to affect the way I see him
8 comments
Think about all the dumb shit you said and did at age 13. Not even sex stuff, but opinions, things you said, ways you treated people, the way you thought the world worked. You wanna be judged on that? Why are youthful mistakes worse if sex is involved? Hopefully you can answer that question and dispel this because it’s not going to help either of you to keep judging his sexual past.
You’re not the same person you were when you were a teenager and neither is he
If this is your limit move on. Find someone else who is more of what you want.
Story time:
My last ex was uncomfortable with how others looked at my figure. ( 25yrd Bigger chest, small waist , grabbable butt etc). Waited for a few months to sleep together. In the beginning it was fun then he got violent especially if he heard compliment me. Did some nonconsensual things and got pleasure from my crying? Left him and moved to a different country. Still tried to contact me years later.
Botton line, if it bothers you move on before you start taking out on him in your relationship.
>he doesn’t regard sex as much of a special thing as I do maybe
How do you know?
I had a variety of one-night stands back in the day, but I still think of sex as special.
Do you think of deep, heart-to-heart conversations as special? Does the fact that you sometimes make small talk about the weather change how special intimate conversations are?
Communicate. that age gap + your insecurities = oof.
You can’ put the toothpaste back in the tube. Maybe you are not compatible. Hope it works out for the best.
Why does it bother you? Do you feel he did something wrong? Do you feel somehow sex is less special to him because you’ve had fewer sexual experiences? Is this an insecurity thing?
You can’t ignore your feelings, that’s not how they work. Try to push them down and they’ll come out in other ways. You need to accept them, understand them, and walk with them. You aren’t a bad person for feeling a type of way about this so try not to judge yourself. But you also need to be honest with yourself about why you feel how you feel so you don’t make it his problem. He didn’t do anything wrong and can do nothing about his past now.
> I guess because he doesn’t regard sex as much of a special thing as I do maybe?
Are you saying this because you assume that having sex with a lot of people automatically means he doesn’t see sex as special? He could see sex as very special, he just enjoyed having it with more people than you did.
Or are you saying that because in your sexual interactions, he says or does things that make you think he doesn’t think sex with you is as special as you think it is with him? That’s a different thing.