Okay so me (19F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been dating and having sex for about a year now. I love him very much and I feel super comfortable with him. I’m always into having sex with him but for some reason I can never orgasm. I try super hard and it always seems like I never even feel close to having one. Does anyone know why this could be???
Edit: I really do appreciate everyone that is worried about me and the age gap between us, but I promise I’m not being manipulated or anything. We’re both in the same year at college and we’re both going at the same pace. I know he’s a little older but he’s only now had the chance to go back to school and he’s had to work ever since he graduated high school. Once again, I am thankful for everyone reaching out that was worried about it and I’m glad there are people out there like y’all 😊
33 comments
>I try super hard
Putting pressure on yourself makes it less likely to happen.
Are you getting oral/clitoral stimulation outside of piv sex?
Are you able to reach orgasim solo?
alot of women can’t orgasm through sex alone, they need clitoral stimulation. I recommend you maturbate to find out what you like
Get a vibrator and use the toy while you are having sex with him. It’s takes some practice to achieve an orgasm. Take your time and explore …you’ll get there.
First, I would say, relax and don’t worry so much about the orgasm. The more you think about the fact that you’re not doing it, the harder it may be to do it! Secondly, A lot of women do not cum during penetration. Thirdly, I’m thinking maybe he’s not all that experienced at knowing how to make you cum? This also requires practice! There is a technique to licking pussy! And you might try using a vibrator on your clit? Try using a vibrating dildo inside you while you rub your clit, or he rubs it. Gets my wife off every time.
Hey, welcome in the club 😀 I’m 22 and never had an orgasm. I love sex but I rarely masturbate, which might be the problem.
What helped me a bit was buying a vibrator… I at least found out I can squirt lol. So my advice would be, try more things on your own, but that’s a thing I still can’t do. (One thing is privacy because I’m at dorm, but even when I have the opportunity I usually don’t do anything on my own :/ this could probably help a bit imo)
Also, a lot of times I felt I was really close while my partner was giving me oral. Sometimes it would be good to focus on you mostly and not on him. I obviously don’t know about your sex life, but I know guys can be sometimes selfish or don’t even realise that they are “neglecting” you… In this, communication is the key.
I think we can only give it time. I had a partner that loved giving me oral and could do it for a long time, I was so fucking close but after some moment it just gets a bit uncomfortable, unbearable? So you have to stop.. Idk how to explain, but I think trying to get through this feeling could maybe help. And also not to focus too much on the orgasm I guess.
But who I am to tell you, right?:D it woul probably be better to get advice from people that used to have this problem but don’t anymore 🤷🏻♀️ anyways, good luck. Hopefully we’ll get there one day💦 lol
Just want to say, he is someone 6 years older? I once was in a situation where he was taking advantage of my inexperience or everything out of sex even. Oh my god, I didn’t doubt it for a second till i was out of it. Rose tinted glasses for real…A soul crushing experience..His prefrontal cortex is fully developed while I’m a teen/young adult. For an year, he’s probably been having orgasms each time? Nothing for you in return?
I would try to have him make you orgasm with your clit or you try it to yourself! I never had orgasms from sex until I met my husband
Also you guys are both young. It takes time to learn your body and release your mind from the hangups that make sex more performative when you’re young. Getting comfortable with each other, going deep together, and maybe some marijuana in the right atmosphere might help…. Or maybe it just won’t happen with him and it will take place later in your sexual journey.
Stop putting pressure on yourself. Try solo or toy play and find out what works best. It may change day to day, depending on your mood. Don’t be afraid. Your boyfriend is in for a lot of fun times learning!
Have you ever given yourself an orgasm?
I (F22) also have not ever had one. I would try masturbating on your own and exploring your body. Maybe he can help as well but it almost never happens penetratively
I couldn’t orgasm either when I started to have sex and I didn’t know why. After some research I found out most women can orgasm only after longer and consistent stimulation. Then I tried keeping a vibrator on while having sex and it worked. After you are able to cum with a vibrator, try without it too, but keep the movement’s consistency! (it’s very important so your body won’t respond only to vibrator stimulation).
I would communicate this to him. Let him know what’s happening but I would also try to like get to know your own body more. An easy way for me personally to cum (maybe you can try it and see if you have success) is by being on top. Sit on his penis fully, and then to get clit stimulation, ride him but keep contact with his pelvis. It’ll feel like your essentially rubbing yourself on him LOL but eventually it’ll build with the stimulation. Hope this helps!!
Based on the comments, it sounds like you need to explore yourself first. Try different kinds of masturbation to learn what makes your body tick. Even if PIV feels really good, that doesn’t mean you can cum from it. Its not just about how much stimulation you’re getting, its also about the type of stimulation. Or maybe you can cum from PIV, but you just need to get a better feel for how your body works. Try just privately focusing on your body. No pressure, no performance, just figure yourself out!
You need to know how to get “there” by yourself then you can lead your b/f to make it happen with you.
Learn how to orgasm on your own.
Help him do that.
Do you orgasm when youmasturbate ?
You’ll never be able to have an orgasm with a partner if you haven’t given one to yourself. It’s a lot easier to know what will work when with a partner if you know what does it for you when alone.
Girl get a satisfyer and try it during sex but solo first. It is the SINGLE best sex toy I’ve ever had.
Get a vibrator and lube and start exploring with yourself alone when your relaxed and calm. Don’t try to have one, Just enjoy and explore yourself. Sadly I didn’t have my first orgasm till after 30 🙁
He’s too old for you lol first of all
Sometimes it just takes time to figure out for a woman. Explore your body yourself and together. See what feels good to you. Not everyone cum’s the same way. Have you tried him fingering you while sucking on your clit? And when I say fingering I mean hitting your gspot. Or a lot of foreplay? Lots of kissing all over getting you ready?
Have you tried introducing a sex toy? A lot of women need clitoral stimulation so vibrating wands are very popular. I need one to orgasm with a partner.
I honestly thought that I could not orgasm before I met my husband (not why I married him 😅) but I probably went ten years with a number of partners, thinking I was the issue.
Sometimes it’s all in the anatomy, sometimes it’s technique.
that age gap + no personal knowledge of sex = red flag city.
1. You need foreplay. Oral sex is ***not*** foreplay. The clitoral organ (yes it’s an organ not just a nub) requires time to warm up and become sensitive – this is especially true for people with no experience/bad experiences bc your own anxiety/nerves influence your body.
Foreplay includes: kissing sensitive areas(with a partner), using the hands to stroke/massage the body (not the vagina/labia) – sensory until you’re so turned on you can’t stand it – then use those same fingers to rub the inner thighs/external labia – basically you want to tease your own body for as long as you can before touching the clitoris or using fingers internally. (no penis for foreplay!)
Foreplay is not about an orgasm – it is about getting the body sensitized and your mind relaxed. When you’re on the fine edge of pleasure: that’s when gentle oral, fingering, NOT PIV can begin.
2. If you have never had an orgasm – it’s not your fault, a lot of afab people have a hard time “getting going” because sexual education is entirely focused on reproductive sex and the penis. The bigger issue is that your partner is not noticing the disparity in orgasms.
3. The vagina is a birth canal before it’s a penis tunnel – it has less sensitivity (has to bc of the whole…birthing thing) which is why a lot of afab people do not receive enough pleasure to orgasm from vaginal sex alone – most require clitoral stimulation because the clitoral organ *is* the sex organ for pleasure.
Get a vibrator and incorporate that ?
Why is a 25 year old dating a teenager?
Get one of those plug in the wall magic wand vibrators. Use it on the clit with fingering or regular sex. If that doesn’t work, nothing will. Trust me. Lol.
Buy a clit sucker.
Heavy recommend you try either fingering your clit while he’s inside you, or have him do so. Since learning this it’s been like a cheat code for making women cum.
Are you on SSRIs?
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