I (24F) have been with my partner for 4 years and have a fear of initiating. The last time I attempted to very boldly initiate with him was 2 years ago and I was rejected. I have a fear of rejection, etc, to begin with so it acted as confirmation that I shouldn’t ever initiate.
I have the higher sex drive and am open about the fact that I *won’t* reject. Every once in a while I start to think I’ll initiate and then it becomes obvious it’s a bad time, he won’t be interested. And now I just can’t figure out *when* I’m supposed to initiate. He’s said before that if I want it, just wear lingerie, but I’ve been rejected the times I’ve done that. It feels like there’s something wrong with my perception.
4 comments
Have you told him your frustrations directly that you need him to take charge and show interest? Sex drives sometimes are not compatible and he just may not be aggressive enough for you. It is an important component of a relationship. You should sit him down and tell him what you need from him.
Have you told him what you’re telling us in this post? With examples of times you’ve also been rejected even tho u communicated the way he said he wanted you to. It seems like a communication problem in general. (Not blaming either side)
Have you ever “successfully” initiated? Or is every initiation met with a decline?
It doesn’t seem that you are sexually compatible, I have been married over 20 yrs and we usually have sex everyday, I can’t remember my husband ever rejecting me, he is always delighted that I love to have sex with him. You don’t want to be with a man that doesn’t have a libido closely matched with your own and is can be very bad for your self-esteem. I know you are having regular sex but you may want to talk to the people in r/DeadBedrooms as they will tell you what to expect lomg term if you have a much higher libido than your partner. I would seriously think about ending the relationship as you don’t sound happy and you are so young.