to start off, me (17 M) got to know this girl (15(ill refere to here as K) 2 years ago. Now back then it was the beginning of the pandemic, this is important will get back to it in a bit
we got to k ow each other over a video game and back then i really only thought of her as an online friend to play with, but we always got along so extremely well, as time passed we would just have calls chatting and sharing our view of the world, it was very interesting because we always seemed to have a very similar view on things, it was almost like we grew up the same, we have very similar values and priorities. I had very strict parents back then (who i do not live with anymore (not gonna get into that now so lets just say a lot of boundaries were crossed) they wouldnt even let me wisper in my own room when my little brother was asleep so i would just go outside and take a walk so i could talk to K and i remember after about 2 or 3 months of knowing each other she said that i make her feel extremely comfortable, and i felt the same! Well we also found out we lived about 2 hours from eachother. I live in germany, she in poland and we are both quite close to the border.
Now at some point we decided we wanted to try a longdistance relationship. After a while of the pandemic having taking place and us not being able to meet she decided she didnt want it no more. Im still a bit mad at myself how i handled it back then i was hurt and said farewell and told her friendship was not an option, i really think it was stupid of me to get so emotionally invested without even having met.
At some point after some reflection on the whole situation i realised how stupid it was and decided that a friendship would definitely work for me. Well after some time (about 1 year of knowing her now) we had a bit less contact and even whole months of not talking.
well about 2 or 3 months ago we started having contact again and we then decided to actually meet. (sidenote she has a boyfriend now)
Now when we met it was amazing, really just amazing. lotsa hugging and stuff and just a really great vibe, and well no different from the calls and videochats we had we just click. I even baught her a teddy she loved it!
Anyways we have met a few times now and it seemed to get more and more romantic, last time we met i wrote her a song and baught her flowers. With that i wanted to tell her that i had romantic feelings not just platonic. Well she loved it, kissed me on the cheek and we had a long ass hug as always. But well after the song she said something along the lines of „my boyfriend doesnt even do that“ i heard that and then she said „well guess that shows how important friends are“ and that just fucked my brain so hard, i really didnt know what to say and i was worried in that moment that i could ruin the moment like that (sooo stupid ikikik) and i just kinda brushed it of and didnt really react to it
i brought her home and on the way home we cuddled a but
so that was 2 days ago now the stupid thing i wanne do…
She told me today (well kinda yesterday cut its past midnight) that wierdly her boyfriend texted her and wanted to make time for her on monday (tomorrow/today) and that she should buy condoms…
well i kindof started just taking in all the things she said about her boyfriend and telling myself that i should not feel hurt because i knew i what was getting myself i to from the beginning (well i thought i was having a stoic mindset but realised i was just covering up my feelings and prettymuch lying to myself and K) but when i meditated tonight i realised that me and K are literally having a romantic affair and we lie about it and say its a friendship, and i realised how much i fucked up confessing 2 days ago…
soo the stupid thing. I wanne make it right and confess, but a message or a call would just be stupid… i looked for a train i can take and well it would be around 4 hours of driving so id just skip one day of school
But i feel like if i dont do it now it might be too late bacause i think she really has just considered me as „a very very good friend“ and i want to make sure she understands that to me its more than that, and well im worried that in case they actually do have sex, ill have lost my chance completely to get the real answer from her, after all she is a virgin and i think she wouldnt forgive herself considering a breakup with someone she literally just fucked.
Well funny enough every feeling i ever discribed to her she also said she felt and even describe them to me herself and we even say „i love you“ so often but still consider it friendship
now if anyone reads this thanks a lot, this is keeping me up all night and im starting to get surer and surer that i should do it, i just need a clear answer from her and need to know whats going on, because this is definitely not just a friendship. even if she tells me that she really just likes me like a friend, ill be happy because i finally stopped hiding my emotions
now i know this is a lot and probably really messy but i had to type it fast because if im gonna do it ill have to go in a few hours
some thoughts on this would be really nice, and if u have questions just ask em, i dont think ill be able to sleep tonight so i’ll respond right away most likely
2 comments
Brooooo… idek what to say. Looking at the facts of this, she’s not worth it and is completely leading you on.
Think: this girl is basically cheating on her bf with you (she knows you like her- you bought her a teddy and you kissed). And you’re right, she likely isn’t going to choose to do the dirty for the first time with a guy she’s thinking about breaking up with. She isn’t some complicit person with no agency of her own. She’s choosing him. Don’t waste any more of your time on her and cut your losses now. She’s shown you what she thinks of you. You’re in her friend zone.
And say you go to her tomorrow and she has a miraculous change of heart and dumps her bf and picks you; you’re still with a girl who cheats. What if she cheats on you? Would you trust her? Is the relationship you envisioned with this girl even possible anymore?
That’s a really touchy subject. While it’s “movie-romantic”, it’s not realistic that she’ll leave him for you. It’s also not realistic that your relationship with her will last long, if one develops at all, due to distance and school and age. But it will help clear your conscience.