So they’re an ex-collegaue who I clicked with. Since we left the company, I initiated two meet up with them. The first time, they asked to push back the time quite last minute and proceeded to be late for the new time regardless. The second time they changed our one on one plan to a group hang out, to which i agreed cause i wanna make new people. But they and most of their friends were late for half an hour. No apologies just texted “heyy I’ll be late”. It makes me feel really bad that my time is not respected and it seems to be a pattern.
They’ve asked me to hang out again and I wanna set some boundaries this time, basically asking them to be on time this time. Thank you in advance!
4 comments
Find new friends so it hurts less when this one disappoints you.
Find a way to care less if they’re late. Show up early like you do and work on your laptop or tablet. Read a book and grab a drink at the bar.
Pick something it’s harder to be late to like a movie, a concert, or a tee time for golf.
So, boundaries isn’t telling other people what to do (that’s rules), it’s deciding what behaviour you will and won’t tolerate. In this instance an appropriate response could be to leave if your friend is, say, 15 minutes late.
You gotta tell them, though. “Hey, I’ve noticed that you tend to be late to our hangouts and I’d appreciate if you’d be on time for our plans.” If she texts you she’ll be late and it’s more than 15 minutes, you just tell her “I’m going to do something else, then. We’ll make plans for another time instead.” and then leave and do something else.
Either they learn from it and adjust after a couple of times, or they don’t and you can do with that information what you will.
Just simply and kindly let them know how you feel and what you would like. “Hey, last time you guys were super late and it sucked to be waiting around, can you be on time or at least let me know if you’re gonna be late?” If they don’t meet you halfway, the boundary setting is deciding how much time and effort you’ll put in to the friendship going forward. To give the friendship the best chance, instead of ghosting them if they won’t meet you on time after asking them to, let them know what’s up. “Hey, I really enjoy our hang outs, but I kind of don’t want to meet up anymore when you’re always late.” A completely other way to take it is just assume this person is shit at punctuality, plan accordingly, accept this flaw in your friend, and make some new friends too that will meet up on time. It’s pretty normal in large friend groups to have a few people who are always, always super late.
Let them know clearly – that since they seem to have issues being on time, you won’t be waiting for them.
Next time – give them 15 minutes then leave. If it happens again – cut it to 10 minutes.