I have dated my husband for 8 year and we have been married for 6 months. Since the beginning he has always been a social extroverted guy. I however am introverted naturally and with my current job being very social I come home with no desire to be social. I know this bothers him. I’m looking to see if anyone else can relate? We have many other things in common but I’m afraid this is very hard for him
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Extrovert here (34F) dating an introvert (33M) for 6 years. During the week, we may we do low key date nights (movie watching or play one of his video games or cook together for bonding). And on weekends, I usually plan an outing or going out with friends. I try hard
not to spring anything on him. Once or twice our plans will be spontaneous, but if we
plan, he can charge his social battery and he wont be as stressful in social settings.
I’m curious: you’ve been dating for 8 years and y’all still got married? What have you all been doing prior to marriage? Do you just stay at home when he wants to go out? Or does he reluctantly stay home and you notice that he’s miserable?
Well, you can’t change who you are. He knew you were introverted when he married you. So, it shouldn’t bother him that much. Sounds like you need to have a talk with him
There’s a bunch of practical things you can do, but tbh, I feel you just have to love the person for who they are and not hope/want/ try to change them, and vice versa.
I’m the more reserved while my wife is an absolute extroverted master at networking. She can really work a room like no other.
The thing is, when we were young I knew that my career wouldn’t prosper very well if I kept being a wallflower. So I learned from her. I pushed myself to be more talkative to people I knew and strangers. I pushed myself to walk up to conversations at parties. I’m still nowhere near as good as she is, but I have made great progress. And by doing so, my business prospered well up to when I sold it. Then I’ve worked at a variety of jobs that all depended on relationships. I just got my first annual review at my new job last week and I was thanked for making all of the relationships that I’d done. The old me ***never*** would’ve done that, but I cold-called (1:1 meetings) over 50 people, one at a time and got to know them and it ended up helping me big time.
Now you said you come home and have no desire to be social. With him? We can all understand you wanting maybe a half hour of chill time to unwind at home. But surely you would be willing to have conversations with your life partner?
My husband is an extrovert, he genuinely gets his energy from other people. I’m much more introverted, too much social interaction wears me out. Plus we’ve got two kids who exhaust me, so there is very little left in my tank by the end of the day. We live in a small area, and it’s working out really well for him as he’s the guy who will make friends with all the neighbours. It takes him an hour to get a coffee at the cafe 200m down the road because he spends so much time talking to every person he bumps into. That takes the pressure off me needing to provide him with the energy he needs.
Super introverted here 👋 💯% homebody.
Is he extroverted or just a night owl who has a lot of energy later in the day????
My husband is very extroverted, and high energy all day long, but even he has a limit. He enjoys spending time out with people but midnight is his limit as he also has early mornings for work.
If it’s something too late for me (like anything after 8pm on a weeknight) I’m out, ciao cacao, ✌️, deuces, I’m leaving at around 9pm, to get a nice bath, do my skincare and get my beauty sleep. Leaving early is my M.O. 😅
If it’s on a weekend and the atmosphere is chill, like something by the beach, it our neighborhood, low key, with cocktails, and not too loud I’m fine staying after midnight.
The worse that can happen to me is big celebrations or parties where we have to stand up for hours, and talk to multiple people non stop, over loud music.
Including concerts.
If my husband has something like a late party or concert, I don’t necessarily need to be there, the entire night.
Like he doesn’t have to come with at everything I have to attend, if he doesn’t enjoy it, he can attend to say hi, and then leave early, it not come at all, we have eachothers backs all the time with social events.
We are not each others wardens, kwim?
A huge perk of marriage is we don’t have to go out, meet people and stay out after midnight to get laid. We can have that at home anytime ☺️, then apply a nice moisturising face mask, and read a nice book in bed.
Even as a single gal I always preferred lunch/daytime dates. Because I don’t like being out after dark. After dark I want to relax, do my self care and sleep early. Some people are night owls with tons of energy at night. But it’s just a matter of circadian rhythm, not exactly an extrovert/introvert issue.
And I understand it’s a compatibility issue, that it’s hard to tackle. I wouldn’t be happy about it.
My parents were night owls and I was suffering, until I left home.
Oh I definitely can relate. I’m the exact same way, I work at a busy diner and my battery is just drained by the end of the shift. He sometimes wants to hangout with some very talkative people and wants to fish on top of that and I just can’t. I just let him go by himself now whenever I don’t want to do anything because we’re just different. We’ve been together for about 9 1/2 years, married 7 1/2 so I understand. It’s just the way we are. He’s pretty understanding now but it took a lot of explaining myself over the years to get him to see that I just like to be alone or with people who don’t mind how quiet I am.
Married almost 13 years [together almost 14]. I [39f] am socially awkward, so I am an extroverted introvert. I like to be out and about, but in my own bubble. For instance, when I bring our kids places, they play, and I sit by myself and read or crochet, or whatever. I used to be more extroverted, but now find myself not having anything in common with younger mom’s. But I don’t like to stay inside until a certain point. Then I am a home body. My husband [39m], is a huge introvert. I try to get him to go out, even not to talk with people, and it is hard. He doesn’t really have to socialize at work too much. But I think we have been married so long and having 3 kids, that after they go to bed, we just do our own thing. He sometimes streams chess and video games on twitch, and I was my ID murder mysteries while crocheting or just reading. Sometimes, we will chat some right before bed. Sometimes, we will just chill together and watch some shows. He does work every other qeek at home, so I am usually his coworker if I am home, and we talk through the day.
Yes, that can be tough! You should find some type of compromise.. have you compromised at all with each other so far? What type of job do you do? You said it is social.. I am extroverted actually and I would love to have a social job someday.
My husband and I have been married for 13 years, we are opposites in many ways – one being that he is more social than I am.
Our differences have been good for our relationship – I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone, especially in regards to social situations, and I feel like it has definitely helped our connection. There’s also lots of compromise, and above all, respect. He has gone out without me a bunch, and also stayed home with me…and there are no hard feelings.